


Place in this World

by WishaDream



Series: Kaylor Potter [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kaylor - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe-Harry Potter, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complete, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Developing Relationship, Drama, F/F, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Harry Potter AU, Hogwarts, Hufflepuff, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Kissing, Looking for friends, Looking for love, Love, Love Confessions, Magic, Magical War, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Romance, Sad, Slow Burn, Slytherin, Song writing, Soulmates, Summer Love, Sweet, Teen Angst, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Worry, confused, longing for friends, set during harry potter time, slytherin are good, spells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 37,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24809233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishaDream/pseuds/WishaDream
Summary: Taylor has finally achieved her dream of attending Hogwarts. Now if only she could figure out her place in this magical world.Fixed line spacing 7-29-20
Relationships: Karlie Kloss/Taylor Swift
Series: Kaylor Potter [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889338
Comments: 52
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

Smoke from the train fills the air. I tell myself that’s the reason for my stinging eyes, but I know the truth. I’m already missing home and I haven’t even left the station.

I’m excited. But I’m nervous. Really excited, but just as equally nervous.

Seeing my distress Mom kneels down as she takes my hands in her.

“It’s going to be okay, Taylor. I know you can do anything you set your mind to and you’ve had your mind set on this for a long time.”

It’s true. Ever since I was old enough to understand the magic is real and that I might have it.

Every day I’d make up stories to play with my brother about what all we’d do when we got to Hogwarts. There was never any if in my mind, even when my tenth birthday passed and there was no letter. I knew it was okay, most kids got their letters at eleven anyway.

I spent the next year coming up with adventures I’d have with my friends. Memories I know we’ll share forever and ever. But my eleventh birthday drew closer and I realized in all that time nothing strange had happened to me. I wasn’t exhibiting any signs of magic.

Though I assured myself I would be fine my eleventh birthday passed with a letter other than the one from my grandparents mentioning how big I was getting. Big but not big enough to make it into Hogwarts. I cried myself to sleep that night and stayed in bed the whole next day.

My parents never made it a certainty that magic would manifest. But I’ve always been the type, that once I set my mind on something, I can’t think of anything else. And my mind was set on magic. I would practice my wand motions with my toothbrush. I would make “potions” when I helped my mother in the kitchen. Everything in my mind told me I was a magic user, even if nothing outside my imagination had manifested.

After my eleventh birthday my parents made extra sure to remind both me and my brother that ours was a mixed family. We have both squibs and magic users. Whether or not I had magic I still had the power within me to change things. To make the world a better place.

But come on, magic. It’s all nice but that’s the thing grownups tell you to make you feel better when everyone knows you’re just a loser.

I shouldn’t say that.

My parents have us living in the muggle world because they want us to realize that magic isn’t everything. But it’s everything to me.

I wasn’t even expecting anything on my twelfth birthday. Sure, there are late bloomers and I could list off a few strange things that had happened to me, but I wasn’t psyching myself up this time. I couldn’t bear the disappointment again.

Just as I was about to blow out the candles there was a tap at the window. Though my heart raced I told myself it was just the wind. Then my mother went over and peeked outside. When she didn’t come back I looked back to see her smiling as she told me, “Taylor, you have a letter.”

And that’s when all my dreams came true.


	2. Chapter 2

Now I’m standing on platform 9 and ¾ waiting for the train. My heart racing, palms sweaty. Just how you want to be feeling before you meet your classmates for the first time.

Resting her hands on my shoulders my mother emphasizes what she’s been teaching me all these years one last time, “Not everything is going to turn out how you imagine it, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. People are going to let you down, even people you’d never expect to. But what you have to remember is that you are stronger than you feel in your weakest moments. No matter what happens we’ll always love you.”

She finishes the speech with a hug which I savor knowing I won’t see her for a long time. The longest I’ve ever been away. Just thinking about it makes my stomach churn. But excitement quickly replaces the feeling as I hear the train’s horn sound. The final call to board.

“Just be yourself, Taylor. It’s the friends you can be yourself around that will stay with you the longest.”

I wave at my mom at the door of the train, watching her form slip away as the train departs. As soon as I turn away my mind starts playing all my encounters from previous trips on the Hogwarts train. Encounters I experienced only in my mind. But this time it’s real.

My pulse quickens at the thought but I make a fist and remind myself I’ll be fine. This is Hogwarts after all. Where I belong.

At the first car I encounter with other first years I try to strike up a conversation.

“Which house do you think we’ll be sorted into? I don’t really care which house I end up in. I’m just excited to learn all the spells. I want to get really good at magic.”

One of the kids starts to reply but a look from his friends makes him go silent as they all turn away to have their own conversation. I shrug off the experience as I head to another cabin. There I get a look like “who’s she” before they turn away without even waiting for me to talk.

I didn’t think it would be the case here but clicks have already formed before we’ve completely left the station. That’s what happens when you grow up living among muggles. You miss forming connections with other magic users.

Heading to my cabin I take a seat. I don’t know what else to do so I pull out my journal. I’m scribbling and sketching when I hear a voice ask, “Is this seat taken?”

Just as I look up there is a stumbling sound to the side. It draws my attention away from the girl over to the hallway. Outside the cabin a group of girls rush inside as a girl with a pony tail glares at me while the other two block my view of the first entrant.

As Ponytail continues to glare at me the other two grab the first girls arms as they pull her out of the room, “There you are. Come with us. You don’t belong here.”

Seeing the looks they give me as they exit I realize how right my parents were about magic users. They warned us against pride, which has plagued the wizarding community for hundreds of years. Which has kept them from seeing the worth in non-magic users or anyone who does not meet their standards of excellence.

But these girls don’t realize how much I want to be here. How long I have wanted this.

“Wanting something does not mean you’ll know how to use it when you have it.”

My mother’s words bring a sigh to my lips as I drop my eyes to my journal. Clicking my pen for a thought I write out a summary for the day, “Outside again. I can’t even imagine how the inside feels.”


	3. Chapter 3

At the sorting ceremony I don’t hear it the first time my name is called. It takes an impatient grunt from a teacher and a shove from behind before I start moving. Head down, face red, I hear my classmates snicker as I head to the front.

My shame isn’t the only thing weighing me down, as the hat is positioned on my head. Somehow it feels heavier than anything I’ve experienced before.

“I see a lot of potential,” starts the hat, “I see courage, I see patience, originality, and cunning. But there is so much more here.”

I snort at his words. I didn’t realize the sorting hat would make jokes on such a serious occasion.

The hat garrumphs as it uses the tip of the hat to poke my nose, “What? You don’t believe me?”

As I look out at the crowd I notice a few eyes are fixed on me. Most are searching the faces around them for someone they know. When they spot them they wave, letting out a silent hello. I wish I had someone here I knew. Someone I could wave at till the teacher gave me a frown then later we’d giggle about it.

The hat clears its throat reminding me of where I am. My shoulders hunch as I whisper, “Sorry, sir.”

I feel the hat shiver as it lets out a long sigh, before declaring, “Hufflepuff.”

Finally I have a group of people to call my own. I hurry over to my table where I greet as many people as I can. They give me brief nods before turning their attention to someone else, anyone else, at the table.

Other first years join the table but they all seem to know everybody as they completely ignore me and keep to their groups. But dinner isn’t the end and I’m still hopeful as we head back to our rooms. In the commons the head girl reads off the room assignments. I hear my name with three other girls who squeal with excitement at their names being together. I try to join them in the celebration but they give me looks like I’m being weird and shouldn’t be invading their personal space.

I don’t know what I expected but it was not this.

They don’t bother to learn my name as they say, “Hey you,” and I forget their names as we head up to the room together. Together but alone.

It should be the name for my theme song.


	4. Chapter 4

First day didn’t go as planned, but I’m hopeful for my first official day. I’m so excited about it I completely forget about their treatment of me the previous night as I warmly greet my roommates.

“Just ignore her,” states one to the others.

My mother would tell me to “ignore” them. “You don’t need that drama.”

And I don’t. There is magic in the air, literal and figurative, as I head to my first class. And magic is one of the many reasons I wanted to come here. I won’t let the people around me ruin that for me.

My first class of the day is potions. I’ve been looking forward to this class since I first heard about it. Though I have nothing to go on, I have a feeling I’ll be good. At home I cooked with my mother and those recipes always turned out well. How much different can potion making be?

Ignoring everyone else around me, I focus completely on my magic. Maybe once they see me shine here people will be lining up to be my friend. It’s a possibility.

Just as I’m putting in my first ingredient I hear the girl beside me gasp. My heart rockets as I watch the ingredient sink into the mixture. Have I put in the wrong thing?

I look at my seatmate but her eyes aren’t on me. They are on the doorway. When I turn to look I realize the reason for the gasp. There in the entrance to the class the teacher has manifested a nymph. Then the ethereal being moves and I notice the uniform. It’s not another worldly being, just another student.

“Just” it doesn’t even sound right to use for her.

Even though we all wear the same thing, somehow it looks different on her. In her skirt, her legs look like they go on forever. I never understood the phrase until this moment.

She apologizes to the teacher for being late, handing over a slip, before heading into the row behind mine. The row with the Ravenclaw. It doesn’t take long for me to understand why Ravenclaw is known as the genius house as she answers every question the teacher asks. Even when he doesn’t call on her I hear her whisper the answers under her breath.

I tried to study before coming but I’d always lose myself in imaging what my life would be like at the school. I can only answer one of the questions the teacher asks and not the one he chooses to ask me.

But I’m going to focus from now on. This class is going to be the place where I shine. To emphasize my certainty on this I throw in the last ingredient with a flourish. The mixture bubbles for a moment before blowing sky high as it sprays everyone within a two foot radius.

“Alright, calm down,” states the teacher at the distressed cries of the sludged students, “It’s only a little slime. Shouldn’t be anything dangerous.”

He comes over, sniffing the mixture before nodding with certainty, “Yes, nothing harmful. Just a little sticky and may make your skin green for a few days.”

I shrink under the glares as I feel my face heat.

He takes another whiff of my potion before saying, “Yes, this is a good learning experience. The reason Taylor’s potion explosion,” great, yes, tell everyone my name, “is because she mixed up the,” he says two words I don’t know and can’t even remember as soon as he says them.

Class doesn’t end quick enough after that. When it is time to go I just want to get away.

Before I can the late girl from earlier steps in front of my desk.

“Hey,” she flashes a quick smile before letting her eyes drop to the mess in front of me. As she does I give her a quick look, noticing the stain of green on her hand. Is she here to tell me off?

Like I don’t feel bad enough.

“I just wanted to let you know,” her eyes lift back to mine as she flashes another smile, “mixing up those ingredients is any easy mistake. Even advanced students can forget which is which. The teacher really shouldn’t have had them both out in a beginners class. He was just asking for someone to make a mistake.”

And it had to be me of all people. Like I needed any more reason to be outcast.

“What do you want Ravenclaw?” The harsh question comes from a Hufflepuff behind me. She shoots the girl a contemptuous look before adding, “You here to show off some more?”

I frown at her choice in words but before I can say anything to defend her another Hufflepuff girls steps in next to the first as she says, “Get lost. Hufflepuffs take care of their own.”

The Ravenclaw’s eyebrows lift in a steep point as her eyes shift to me before going back to the two girls. Before she can decide how to respond a group of Ravenclaw girls comes over.

I recognize the one with the Ponytail from the train the previous day. She gives me the same glare from before as she grabs the girl’s arm, “You don’t need them, Karlie. Come on, let’s get to our next class. You don’t want to be late again.”

Karlie gives me one last lingering look before Ponytail pulls her out of the room. It’s not till she’s gone that I remember the other girls as they tap my arm to get my attention.

“I’m Trini and this is Tawny.”

I smile in greeting, “Taylor.”

“Just ignore those Ravenclaws. They are just stuck up book worms.”

I feel my lips go down in a frown at their words. Sure the girl, Karlie, seemed to know the answers to all the teacher’s questions, but there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that. If I’d known the answers I’d been just as eager to raise my hand. And if I had would they think poorly of me. Or is the prejudice among houses as deep as the rumors have said?

I consider asking but Trini and Tawny’s smiles put all thoughts out of my mind as they start asking me questions about myself.

Potions may have been a disaster but it allowed me to meet my new friends. Friends I know I’ll have forever and always.


	5. Chapter 5

I’m talking with my friends when an idea for a poem hits me. As they keep talking I pull out my journal as I start scribbling. Eventually Tawny and Trini notice I’m not talking anymore as they look over at me.

“What are you writing?”

“Hexes, I bet,” I feel myself cringe at Trini’s joke. I know it’s just that, a joke, but it brings back memories from my time in muggle school.

Back then a girl approached me asking what I was doing. After I told her I had asked, “Do you want to hear some?”

She did not realize how big a deal that was for me to share those words, pieces of my hearts. Instead she gave me a look like I’d offered her a snake as she said, “And have you hex me with them, no thanks.”

After that she went over to her group of friends who cast back glib looks before laughing.

I didn’t even have magic back then, even if I had I wouldn’t have used them in that way. But rumors spread and before I knew it every time I wrote in my journal people would say, “It’s her hit list. Careful you don’t cross her or she’ll cast a spell on you.”

After that I started to hide away whenever an idea came. Now I feel as if I am in that world again with judgement and misunderstandings.

I try to tell Tawny and Trini about my experience after which Tawny replies, “Chill. She was just joking. As if you’d be able to cast a high level spell like that.”

They laugh as I force a smile. Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest? I looked into their eyes and thought they would understand, that they knew me, now I’m not so sure.

“Remember this morning,” says Trini as they continue to laugh, “When you almost blew up the potions class again.”

I cringe at the memory.

I had been daydreaming while waiting for my pot to reach a certain boiling point. Just when a lyric started coalescing in my mind I heard a voice call out my name. That’s when I saw that my cauldron had boiled over, staining my books and journal. The whole class snickered as I cleaned up the mess before it ate through my desk.

When I looked around the only one who wasn’t looking at me was Karlie. Of all my classmates she’s the most put together. Everybody likes her. Everybody knows her. I doubt she ever feels like an outcast, especially among her group of friends. I wish I could be more like her. I’m probably to the only one.

“Hey,” goes Tawny as she starts to change the subject, “Let’s go to Hogsmeade.”

My stomach tightens at the idea as Trini lights up, “We should. I hear the third years are heading over today. We could get lost in the crowd.”

“We can’t,” my friends frown as they look at me, “We are first years. It’s not allowed.”

“So? Some third year boys showed me how we can sneak out. Come on, it will be so much fun.”

Sneaking into Hogsmeade is just such an adventure I imagined me and my friends making. But to do so would go against my greatest fear: getting in trouble. In the end I tell my friends to go without me. I bet when Karlie’s friends invite her to sneak out she does so without an ounce of fear.

But neither she nor my friends have nightmares of being accused of doing something you didn’t and getting in trouble for it. It’s my greatest fear. I’m sure there is some deep seated reason behind it. Like some past trauma. But I’m too busy trying to keep my head above the waters of social pressure to analyze it.

As my friends run off to try to sneak out I head to my alcove to write in my journal. It’s been awhile since I’ve taken it out. Since becoming friends with Tawny and Trini they’ve kept me busy with looking through Teen Wizard magazines and listening to the various wizard boy bands. I’m enjoying myself, but sometimes even when we’re hanging out I feel alone. Sometimes it gets so bad I start to feel so low but I know my heart’s not breaking cause I’m not feeling anything at all. The only thing that brings me up is our constant promises of being friends, “forever and always.”

But history class, with stories of groups breaking up, reminds me that forever and always does not mean anything.

Why can’t I be happy? Why do I keep going from believing things are perfect one second, to thinking we are half way out the door the next?

But deep down I sense that everything is wrong. If this is really forever and always would they only listen to me when I’m talking about what they are interested in. Would they tune me out and call the things I like to talk about “muggle things.” Would they lose focus or change the subject when I share my hopes and dreams with them?

Maybe that’s how things always are with friends. I wouldn’t know.

Back in muggle school I always felt out of place. I thought things would be different if I had magic and was invited to Hogwarts.

I should have known things wouldn’t be any different here. Just because you have magic doesn’t make you different than anyone else.

Reaching up I brush back my hair so I can see the page. As my fingers tangle in my mass of hair I am reminded of Karlie’s smooth locks. I doubt she ever has a problem like this.

Her hair is silky smooth, like a curtain of silken caramel. The kind of hair I would risk getting expelled to acquire with magic.

But I’d never really do it. I’m too afraid.

Seeing how perfect her hair is only makes me hate my frizzy mass more. My mom assures me I’ll appreciate it one day, “When you get used to it,” but I don’t think I ever will. And with people like Karlie Kloss going around with their enviably straight hair I don’t think I ever will. It should be a crime to look that good.

At my alcove I watch a group of girls walk past as they chat amongst themselves, “Did you see Karlie Kloss’s outfit today? I don’t know how she manages to make the school uniform look better on her.”

“It has to be dark arts.”

The girls laugh.

I can still remember when people would say her name and one person would ask, “Who is that?” I doubt anyone still asks. I’m sure everyone has heard her name at least once by now. She’s practically my year’s mascot. At least she is for Ravenclaw. While I’m just a lowly Hufflepuff.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my house. But sometimes…sometimes the other houses with all their accomplishments they can make a Hufflepuff feel…unnoticed. We get forgotten a lot. People are like, Gryffindor the brave! Or, oh Ravenclaw the smart ones. And Slytherin, they are so cunning and cool. And Hufflepuff, what’s that? Is that the sound you make when someone says something you can’t believe and you are so flabbergasted you just make this little sound, “Hufflepuff,” with your bushy moustache twitching.

That’s how I picture people reacting when they hear the name.

Don’t think so? I bet you can name at least five great Gryffindors. Ravenclaws. Even naming some Slytherins who haven’t gone bad would be easier than thinking up famous Hufflepuffs. Go on, I’ll give you a minute.

Even years after Karlie has left school I’ve no doubt people will still be talking about her. Taylor Swift on the other hand—who’s that anyway, ew?


	6. Chapter 6

First year flies by while I continue to hide my feelings and doubts in my journal. I would like to share them with my friends but every time I start I see their eyes glaze over. It seems to me this thing is breaking down.

We all make promises to keep in contact over the summer. I spend my break waiting for an owl that never comes.

I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught their eye. They looked me in the eye and told me that we’d be friends forever and always. But here’s to everything coming down to nothing. Here’s to silence that cuts me to the core. Where is this going? Did they forget everything?

When I return to school I find them on the train. They act like nothing has changed between us, like they haven’t ignored me the whole break. But they want even less to hear from me. I’m just someone to nod along to their stories and gush over the fun they had during the break.

No. I can’t think like that. It was a long break. We’re all just tired.

When they are done talking I show them the gifts I picked out especially for them.

“A gift. Uh, thanks, Tay. I didn’t get you anything.”

“That’s okay. I don’t need anything. Giving is enough for me.”

Trini takes the gift with a tired sigh, “Another gift? Please don’t tell me it’s handmade.”

The contrast between the first time I gave them a gift and now is stark. Before they were excited, eager to tear away the wrapping paper. Now they just set the gifts to the side as they focus on other things.

But I’m not ready to give up yet.

“I brought some games we can play on the ride. I even brought my favorite, Scrabble.”

They both groan as Trini asks, “Who would want to play such a lame muggle game?”

“I would.”

We turn to find Karlie standing in the doorway. She’s wearing a gentle smile as her eyes shift from the game box to me. Her smile brightens.

Before I can respond one of her friends steps to her side as she intertwines her arm with Karlie’s. It’s pony tail and she’s laughing as she goes, “Good one, Karlie.”

The other two join her in laughing as they pull Karlie away.

Trini sticks out her tongue after the girls before turning back as she pats my hand, “Don’t let those snooty Ravenclaw get to you.”

I manage a smile, but the Ravenclaw aren’t the ones hurting me right now. I never thought it would come to this, but now that we’re back together I still feel alone.

Is this all friendship is? Constant rainy days and always feeling alone?

The rest of the ride is made in silence.


	7. Chapter 7

The rest of the week things only become more distant as I realize we almost never speak. And when we are together I don’t feel welcome anymore.

It rains when they’re here and it rains when they’re gone.

I spend more time alone in my room than I did when I didn’t have friends.

Before the end of the first week back they’ve completely fazed me out and moved onto other things and other people.

Now I head to our favorite alcove alone. It becomes my private spot where I write. Not that I need a private spot. It’s easy to hide when no one is looking for you.

“Hurry up. We’re going to be late.”

Two girls hurry past. I watch them as they laugh knowing from the way they look at one another that they are friends.

For a moment I lose myself imagining I’m running with them. They look back at me, waving their arms, as they tell me to hurry.

“Come on, Taylor. We don’t want to miss it. We all have to see it together. It won’t be the same without you.”

But they’re not calling to me. No one ever is.

“Taylor.”

The sound startles me as my hands throw my pen up into the air. I watch it float for a moment before coming down on the stone floor. As I reach for it another hand gets to it before mine. I stop short as I lift my eyes. There in front of me sit two ocean blue eyes. I’ve never actually been to the ocean, but seeing those eyes I feel like I’m there standing on the beach looking out at the waters.

When I pull back I realize the eyes belong to Karlie. She’s smiling softly as she holds out my pen to me. Using her other hand she brushes her hair back from her face.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

As if she could ever prevent it. Just being this close to her makes my pulse race.

I carefully take the pen back, making sure not to touch her. I wouldn’t want to tarnish something so perfect with whatever I’ve been cursed with.

“How was your summer?”

I’m not sure why she’s asking. I glance around for her group of friends, seeing if they are around, waiting to leap out and ridicule me for thinking that Karlie Kloss might actually care about my life. But I don’t see them.

I hesitantly reply with a simple, “Good.”

She smiles as she again reaches up to brush back her hair as she drops her face to smile at the ground. “That’s good. Mine was good too.”

I’m surprised. For someone like her breaks must be a terrible time where she has to find things to do to occupy her mind while she counts down the days for school to start up again.

“Did your family do anything special?”

My mind is throwing up red flags as I realize how strange this whole situation is. Not only am I talking to Karlie Kloss, but she was the one to initiate the conversation.

Instead of answering I pose the obvious question, “Why are you talking to me?”

Her mouth closes and she sits there looking as if she’s considering her answer. As if she forgot why she’d come, why she called my name.

I’ve dreamed of a moment like that. Where my friend calls my name and I go what? Then they sit there for a second before admitting with a dopey grin, “Nothing. I just wanted to say your name.” Then we’ll laugh and I’ll know that they like me.

But that’s nothing more than a silly dream.

I doubt Karlie has ridiculous dreams like that.

Already I’ve heard about how she’s putting together various events to raise funds for charities. She’s even made an arrangement with the school to make potions she’ll be selling to raise money for house elves and old witches. And in Herbology some students said they are going to be receiving tutoring from her. No, people like her don’t have time to dream.

Unlike me. All I do is scribble in my notebook and dream.

My mom says there is nothing wrong with that.

“The world needs dreamers.”

Dreamers are the ones that come up with the ideas that people like Karlie run with. If not for dreaming there wouldn’t be a school like Hogwarts.

But right now I feel like my dreams are nothing more than lines on a page. Words which no one but me will read.

I think that’s really pathetic.

No one actually wants to be a part of my narrative. Not even me. Even when I’m in a crowd I feel alone. I know I can’t be the only one, but when you are drowning it’s not possible to see another hand reaching out. If you’re lucky a wave will toss you close and you can drown together.

Just one year I’d like to not feel alone when I look up from journal. To not feel judged. Instead I see looks like people will never understand me. Looks like they get tired just thinking about sticking around to talk.

It’s then I recall Karlie is still standing in front of me. Before she has a chance to respond someone calls her name. Looking to the side I see her Ravenclaw friends. Ponytail, Glasses, and Raven Hair. I’m not going to learn their names because I know they use mine like a swear.

They motion for her to come over. She gives me a small smile before joining them. Once she’s with them they say something to her, then look back at me, casting me looks like they think I’m a puddle of mud that just tried to get itself all over their friend’s new dress. If I could I’d tell them it wasn’t me who approached her.

Why did Karlie call my name? What did she want?

I don’t find out as her friends take either of her arms as they all walk away together.

I wish I had friends to walk away with from annoying puddles. Instead I remain alone in the mud.


	8. Chapter 8

In potions class I focus on my potion instead of Trini and Tawny sitting across the class giggling as they work together. They aren’t the only pair leaned over a cauldron chatting about various things.

But I tune them all out. Today I’m not going to blow anything up.

Behind me I hear Gregory Thomas laughing his head off. He’s always laughing at something so I ignore him. Just as I’ve put in the final ingredient I smell something burning. I look around my work station but nothing in front of me is smoking.

That’s when I hear someone behind me let out a surprised, “Oh,” followed by, “Taylor your hair is on fire.”

Before I can react my mouth fills with water as I’m drenched with a water spell.

Though I appreciate whoever put me out, I do not like how hard everyone is laughing as they look at the end result.

“You look like a drowned cat.”

Around the room everyone’s face is twisted with laughter. The only one who isn’t laughing is Karlie. But she is no better than them, as she sinks down in her chair at the sight of me.

After this I imagine she’ll never try to talk to me again. And I can’t blame her. Why would Miss Perfect want to associate with an embarrassment like me? She probably finds people like me tiresome.

I know I do.

From the front the teacher calls for the class to quiet down, “Now what exactly happened here?”

“Taylor caught herself on fire again,” offers my seat mate.

“I did not.”

Behind me Gregory snickers behind his hand. I shoot him a dirty look which only makes him laugh harder.

“Mr. Thomas settle down,” orders Mr. Link, “And who was the one who cast the water spell? It was quick thinking but I think it was a little overkill.”

No one comes forward. I notice Karlie sinking down lower in her chair as she starts to hide her face behind her hand. I bet she wishes that she’d been assigned to another potions class. A class that doesn’t blow itself up or set its classmates on fire. Next year she’ll probably beg for a transfer. Why wait? She might do it before the next semester.

When class is over Gregory is still laughing about it as he passes me in the hall, “Hey, Taylor Smoke, nice hair.”

His friends laugh with him. I stick out my tongue after him. When he’s gone I reach back to inspect just how bad it is. I can’t tell just from feeling but it does not feel good.

As if I didn’t already hate my hair enough.

“Sorry about your hair.”

I turn back, ready to snap at the insincere words, but the words catch in my throat when I see Karlie’s face. She’s not even looking at me, her eyes downcast in a guilty expression.

Why does she look guilty? She’s not the one who burned my hair.

But she doesn’t think that as she says, “I should have…I’m sorry you’re so wet. I could cast a drying spell on you.”

I notice as she lifts her hand that she already has her wand out and ready.

“Drying spell? How do you know that? We haven’t learned anything like that yet.”

“I’ve been teaching myself some spells on my own. I haven’t mastered all of them,” again guilt flits across her eyes, “But I’m pretty good at this one.”

I turn down the offer as I say, “I wouldn’t want to burn my hair worse than it already is.”

She nods in understanding as she says, “I really am sorry about your hair.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Another sad smile, “You should see the nurse, maybe she can do something to fix it.”

“You mean like cut it off,” I tug at my hair as I let out a tired sigh.

Her eyes go wide at the suggestion, “Oh, no. I hope she doesn’t have to do anything that drastic. I like your hair.”

Just as she says it her friends come over, snickering at her words. They give her looks like they think she’s joking, but Karlie looks to be genuine as she smiles softly at me. I give her a hesitant smile as I watch her friends escort her away.

In the nurse’s office she laments over how much is burned.

“It got pretty close to your scalp. Whoever cast that water spell did you a favor. But the person who did this did not. I can cast a regrowth spell. Or I can cut it for you. Whichever you prefer.”

To my surprise I tell her, “I’ll keep my curls.”

When she’s done I stare at my reflection, completely surprised by what I see. Has it always looked like this? Not possible.

“Did you do anything to change my hair?”

The nurse shakes her head, “No. It should be back to the way it was before.”

Yet something about it seems different. Maybe my mom’s right, I just had to wait until I was older to appreciate it. Seeing it now I almost think it might actually be pretty.

I smile.


	9. Chapter 9

Now that I don’t have friends I spend a lot of time in my room. I should probably get out there and try to make new friends but I’m not yet ready to put myself through that.

When my roommates are out, which is most of the time, I lie on my bed as I turn the speakers on my Mp3 up. Today I’m on a Johnny Cash fix as I listen to his melancholy tones sing the lyrics to Empire of Sand.

The lyrics remind me of Trini and Tawny and how foolish I had been to actually think we’d be friends. Why do I always jump in feet first without thinking?

“I know how you feel, Johnny.”

As the final strains of the song fill the room a thought hits me like a lightning bolt. It hits so hard I’m sitting up as I stare at the wall with eyes wide open. The words in the song captured my heart ache, my worries, so perfectly. And yet, there’s still something missing.

I grab my notebook as I start to scribble down lines of text like lyrics in a song. Usually my pieces are only a paragraph long, but this time I try to tie something together. Once I’ve finished I read it through. As I do some kind of magic starts to happen as I start to hear the strains of a melody playing along with the words. Lunging across my bed I grab my phone as I turn on the voice recorder and start to hum the tune.

My hear is pounding as I play the tune as I sing the lyrics along with it. It’s rough and doesn’t completely flow together but there is something here.

My hands are shaking as I grab a pen and start to write a letter. Phones don’t work at Hogwarts, you still have to send letters to contact the outside world.

It doesn’t take me long to completely my letter as I write a simple note to my mom, “I need a guitar.” When that’s done I rush to the owlery to find one to send my letter before the morning. I don’t know how long it will take before I get a response but even a day later I’m still buzzing with excitement as I string more words together along with another melody. When the post comes I’m beaming when I spot the unmistakable guitar body. I don’t finish my breakfast as I rush up to my room. On my way out I almost run into Karlie as she turns back to watch me go.

“You look excited.”

I spin back around to say something, anything, but seeing her smiling at me makes all the words that have been flowing through my mind the last few days disappear. I end up nodding before turning back to continue to my room.

It’s like I’ve discovered a whole new kind of magic the first time I strum the guitar. After watching my first how to video I get a little discouraged when my fingers don’t exactly move the way I want. But like my mom taught me, “things worth having are worth working for.”

In between classes it’s like my guitar is another limb as I practice it up until the final minute before I have to leave. My fingers ache from the practicing but I’m like one possessed. For every note I learn more sounds come to my mind along with more lyrics. I start tearing out pages in my notebook as I arrange my various thoughts and lines into something more coherent. And once they are together it’s like when you say a spell correctly. The stars align and a melody starts to form in response to my new song.

When I’m not practicing I spend my time learning about music and lyrics and the creation of it. One day I’m tapping along with a melody in my beat when Ponytail turns in her seat and asks, “What’s wrong with you? You look worse than usual.”

“She does not,” states Karlie in a defensive tone. She gives me a smile as she says to me, “You look happy. I’m glad.”

Ponytail snorts as she turns back around. She motions for Karlie who gives me one final smile before joining her.

As soon as her eyes turn away mine drop to the page in front of me as I write the words, “I like the way your hair falls in your face.” I smile as another melody starts to play as I hum along with it.


	10. Chapter 10

Somehow in all of this I manage to make new friends with some Ravenclaw girls. They seem genuinely interested in me and even ask to see my notebook.

Since I started turning my work into songs I realized that my journal is like my heart in written form. I’m hesitant at first to show them and they act like they understand. But as we spend more time together, as they share their secrets and I mine I start to trust them more.

At lunch we eat together. And it doesn’t even bother me anymore when I see Karlie and her large group of friends. When she talks the whole table quiets in order to hear her. And they always look so interested no matter the subject. But why wouldn’t they be?

If she kept a journal I’m sure people would pay to read it. Me, I wouldn’t even be able to pay people to get them to read mine. But that’s fine. Hearts are only for sharing with the truly special. I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone other than that knowing what I hide deep inside. Especially not someone like Karlie Kloss. Perfection like her wouldn’t understand someone like me.

I’ve heard people compare her to a dream. But even in my dreams I can’t manage to talk to her. What would I even say? We live on two separate planets whose orbits never intersect.

Even when we are in the same room she’s miles away from me. Untouchable like a distant diamond sky. Burning brighter than the sun. If I stare too long I risk burning up from the inside out.

And yet I always seem to risk it.

The next time I’m writing in my journal Yumi again asks if she can read it, “Just one line. I’m really interested.”

She smiles and I feel the spark of trust build as I finally show her one page.

“Wow, this is really good,” says Yumi, “You have some real talent.”

I feel my heart swell with pride as I ask, “Would you like to hear something?”

Her and the other two girls nod as I rush to my room to get my guitar. On my way back I pause to adjust my guitar strap. Before I come around the corner where my friends are waiting I hear Yumi’s voice as she says, “Ugh, I can’t believe I actually agree to listen. You know she’s just going to sound like a wailing cat.”

I hear the other two laugh as I feel my heart drop. Before it can hit the bottom of my ribcage I pull it back up as I assure it, “They’re talking about someone else.”

My heart isn’t exactly convinced but I put on a smile as I come around the corner.

They smile as soon as they see me and I let myself believe they are genuine. I just need to give them time to get to know me better. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither are friendships.


	11. Chapter 11

Yumi and the girls are talking about an event they went to, a party in a Gryffindor’s dorm room.

“Wait,” I stop walking as I realize when this had to have happened, “We were going to hang out that night, then you said you couldn’t make it.”

“Listen,” starts Yumi, “I knew you wouldn’t want to go because it wasn’t exactly legal. I was only looking out for you.”

She smiles innocently and I put all my doubts aside.

“Next party I’ll invite you.”

The next party she sends a note telling me to wait outside for her to meet up so she can sneak me inside.

By this time of year it’s started to snow. I shiver as I feel my heart beat quick with fear. It’s that time of day where if the teachers catch you there’s a risk you could get in trouble. But I’m not going to make the same mistakes I made with Trini and Tawny and let my fears keep me from spending time with my friends.

I spend most of the night waiting. The whole time I’m shivering I keep thinking that I could be warm in my room working on my songs. Instead I’m out here hoping she’ll come around.

The next day I find her at the Ravenclaw table. As I start to chastise her for leaving me behind she holds up her hand in signal for me to stop as she says, “Listen, Taylor, it wasn’t my fault. We almost got caught by a teacher and had to hide in a really cold hallway. We spent most of the night there and by the time we were able to sneak out again I just figured you would have already gone back to your room.”

I get so confused and frustrated and forget what I’m trying to say. She tells me sorry and I accept it as I end up being the one crawling back to her as I apologize for snapping, “I’m sorry you almost got caught. I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Thanks.”

As I walk away someone grabs my hand. Looking back I find it to be Ponytail. She glares at me as she says, “You know the only reason they are hanging out with you is because they think you have some connection with Karlie.” She snorts, “As if they would ever be true.”

I pull away but she’s already done with me as she turns away. She could write a book on how to ruin someone’s perfect day. I’m sure she already has.

After that I can’t get the thought of my mind as other things keep happening. The girls order matching outfits from a catalogue and forget to ask me to join them.

“We didn’t think you’d want to waste the money.”

I know they see what they’re doing to me.

The only time they always invite me is when they are studying. But eventually they realize I’m not going to be a help with their studies and soon I find them in the library without me. Each time I find them doing something without me Yumi tells me to listen and comes up with another excuse I let myself believe.

I keep giving out chances every time and all she does is let me down. Each time she apologizes and thinks we’ll be fine again.

Is this how friendship is supposed to be? She has her share of secrets and I’m always the last to know.

I notice the biggest changes when I’m not around. Like how before I approach my friends are laughing animatedly but as soon as I join the group things become strained.

It takes me the week before Christmas break before I let myself figure things out.

“Yumi,” she turns, smiling that smile she wears just for me. A smile like she pities me and yet finds it funny how easily I fall for her tripe, “I’m sick and tired of your attitude. I feel like I don’t know you. We could have been friends for life if you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold.”

Her smile drops into a frown as she says, “Are you still on that?”

“You act like you care but then you cut me down,” I thought I needed her, needed them like a heartbeat, but I’m sick and tired of her reasons. I have no one to believe in anymore, “Don’t call me anymore. I won’t pick up the phone. This is the last straw.”

As I start to walk away she comes after me, grabbing my hand as she pulls me back, “Listen, Taylor, we can fix this.” In her eyes I see she thinks we’ll be fine again. But not this time around.

I pull away.

“I don’t want to hurt anymore. You can tell me you’re sorry, but I don’t believe you like I did before. You’re not sorry and you never will be.”

Again she reaches out but I’ve prepared for this, “That song I played for you, it was a hex.”

Her hand stops just above mine.

“Karlie has been teaching me how to write them and she says I’m really good.”

The look in her eyes tells me what Ponytail knew all along.

“She really thinks that.”

I nod, “And if you don’t leave me alone…” I let the thought hang.

After that whenever I see them they move to the other side of the courtroom in order to not cross my path. Never mind the fact that they never once saw me with Karlie. But people let themselves believe what they want. Like I did when I let myself believe that she was sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

With third years start comes the announcement that they will be making a kind of great wizards rookie card. Top students whom the faculty feels have the potential to achieve great things will be featured on limited edition chocolate frog trading cards.

While the teachers will be the final say they let the school nominate candidates for the card. In the end Karlie Kloss is the one chosen. I wouldn’t doubt it if she was the only one nominated.

When the cards come out the school is infested with chocolate frogs as people try to collect her card. The lucky few who find one get offered all kinds of things in order to give it up. Eventually the faculty bans the frogs.

The parents don’t know about the frogs though. A month after the hype wears off my parents send me a frog as a special treat. I’m alone in my room when I open the box. As soon as I see Karlie’s face staring at me I feel my eyes go wide and my palms sweat. There is no way. This can’t actually be. I have to be dreaming. I pinch myself.

Ow.

Okay, it’s real. But her image here in my hand is unreal. In the moving image she gives me a brief smile before looking down at the ground shyly. Just that single look makes my heart clench. I stare at the image a good minute before I realize I’m not breathing. I look away long enough to take a breath. When I look back she’s walked away.

Of course. Why would she stay with me? I’m sure she has better things to do.

I prop the card against a stack of books on my nightstand. I don’t fear anyone stealing it. No one pays attention to my side of the room. I know because I once cast a spell on all my stuff to make it red like the Gryffindor’s rooms. No one said a word.

Putting the card out of my mind I head downstairs. Today is our first day visiting Hogsmeade. They are doing a special event for All Hallows. No one has said much about it, but I’ve probably missed most of the chatter since I have no one to talk about it with.

Being the last one to arrive I wait at the back of the group as the teacher gives us instructions on what to expect when we get there. As I listen someone steps to my side.

“What did I miss?”

I start to answer before I turn to face them. I almost let out a scream as I see the trading card standing beside me. Then I realize it’s the real Karlie.

I let out a choked, “Hey.” As she gives me a brief smile.

Having just seen her on the card isn’t what makes this encounter so weird. I’m more surprised at it because I haven’t seen her much since last year. After our second year the teachers decided she was too advanced so they kicked her up to the fourth years potions class.

With her here now beside me I realize I’d forgotten how pretty she was. Or maybe she’s just gotten even more beautiful. For someone like her that is very likely.

I almost don’t hear her as she asks something. My mind replays her soft tones as she asks, “You excited?”

I nod.

“I hear they have something special planned for All Hallows. Have you heard anything about it?”

I shake my head. I think this is the longest I’ve ever talked with Karlie. Why is she talking to me?

Before I can ask the teacher calls for our attention as he gives the final rules. As he goes over them I look around at the waiting throng of students. It’s only then I realize none of Karlie’s friends are among the group.

“Where are your friends?”

Her smile appears strained as she says, “Oh. Them. They got in some trouble in divination. They might not make it today.”

It’s strange but she almost sounds hopeful of that face. But I have to be imagining it. They’ve been friends for years. Why wouldn’t she be happy to see her friends?

My mind is probably just hearing the wish in her voice because it wants to heart it.

As the group starts moving we walk along with it.

“How’s the advanced potions class?”

“Tough. But I’m enjoying it. You probably would too.”

I laugh, “Because I’d so love to blow myself up with more advanced ingredients.”

I hear her laugh and I smile as she pushes back her hair, “You wouldn’t blow yourself up so much if you focused.” Seeing my frown she hurriedly adds, “Not that there’s anything wrong with daydreaming in class. In Mr. Donner’s Charms class I’m always zoning out.”

“Now that’s a dangerous activity,” I say, mimicking Mr. Donner’s croaky voice.

She laughs at my impression, “I almost got caught the other day.”

My eyes widen.

“What happened?”

“Luckily, the girl beside me was taking notes and I just read over what she’d put down before answering.”

I cover a laugh, “I never would have expected that Karlie Kloss would need to use luck to succeed.”

Her shoulders bob with a shrug, “I’m not so perfect I don’t make mistakes.”

“Ah hah, but you do admit that most times you are perfect.”

She laughs, “Okay, you got me there. I can be annoyingly good at some things. But I have my shortcomings.”

I fold my arms, “As if. Name two.”

Her eyes lift in thought.

“See. I knew it. You’re unreal. You were made in a lab to be the perfect wizard and put all us mortals to shame.”

Her eyes drop as her expression takes on a concerned look, “Is that how you feel about me? That I stand out to make others look bad.”

I shake my head, “You don’t mean to. But that’s the thing with perfect people, they don’t have to try to outdo everyone else. It just comes naturally.”

A look passes across her face that I’d almost call sad. But that doesn’t make sense. Before I can think about it more the teacher calls our attention to the front

“Welcome to Hogsmeade.”

I don’t know what the town usually looks like but today it is decorated with various black and orange lights and Jack O’Lanterns. As the teacher dismisses us the students around me disperse to various corners of the town. I’m surprised when I turn to find Karlie standing beside me.

“What did you want to do first?”

I turn back but find the street behind us to be deserted. I point to myself, “Me?”

She nods.

My mind goes blank at the thought, Karlie Kloss wants to spend time with me. A group of boys runs past knocking into me. The hit resets my brain as I catch sight of caramel apples in their hands.

“Butterbear. I want to drink a butterbear and eat a candied apple.”

She smiles as she motions for me to follow. Though I’m sure she’s never been here before she knows exactly where to go as she takes us past a pumpkin patch and tractor rides. Above us the sky is gold and I think, it would be nice if I still had my friends to do this.

She leads us to an old inn where we get a tall pint of the sweet liquid. Back on the street she takes me to a sweets shop where we find our apples.

As we walk around the town she points out various things, telling me about their history and how they usually look without the decorations. We also talk about school and music as we window-shop till I forget all the names of my so called friends.

Even if things end here I know I’ve had the best day with her today.

As I take the last bite from my treat I ask, “How do you know this place so well? Don’t tell me you’ve been here before.”

She puts her finger over her lips as she gives me a conspiratorial wink. I almost choke on my apple.

“You are not serious.”

“I just wanted to check it out on my own. I only took a quick tour of the town and then came back.”

“I can’t believe Karlie Kloss actually broke a rule and snuck out of the school.”

Her lips turn down into a frown as she drops her eyes to her glass, “Could you not call me that?”

“Call you what?”

“Call me by my full name,” her eyes lift as her head stays down, “You can just call me Karlie.”

I feel my heart trip over itself at the look in her eyes. I turn away as I chug the beer. Just as I finish the last of it a group of girls run past as they out for each other to hurry.

“Before the line gets too long.”

Karlie looks at me once the girls have passed, excitement in her eyes as she says, “Let’s check it out.”

My hands are full so she grabs my wrist as she starts pulling me in the direction the girls went. Down a path that leads away from the village we follow the girls to an old run down house where some of our classmates are gathered.

I pull back, “Are you sure we’re supposed to be here? I don’t want to get in trouble.”

I see her eyes look me over in a studied manner before she turns back to the building, “Look. They have it all decorated. If we weren’t supposed to be here they wouldn’t have done that. And look at how many kids are here. You don’t think the teachers would notice this many missing students? This is part of the event. We won’t get in trouble.”

She gives me a reassuring smile before motioning for me to follow. As we step to the back of the line I ask her, “What do you think we are waiting for?”

She smiles with a spark in her eyes, “I don’t know. But I hope it’s a lot of fun.”

It almost sounds strange to hear her say. I guess even advanced students like to have fun.

As we wait we talk more and I’m embarrassed to find out how much she has noticed me, as she asks, “Are you still playing guitar?” I watch as her eyes drop to my hands focusing on my calloused fingers. I hide them in the pockets of my robe.

“Yeah.”

“I’d really love to learn to play an instrument,” she gets a distant look in her eyes as she stares off into the woods. It’s a sad look like one that comes from missed opportunities and misplaced dreams. When she looks back she’s smiling again as she says, “Do you sing too? I bet you sound really good. You have such a nice speaking voice I wouldn’t doubt you can sing well too.”

My face feels hot as I find I can’t look at her anymore. I let my eyes drop as I notice her hands. The nail polish on her thumb is chipped. I realize why as I recall how often I see her holding the nail between her teeth. Is it a nervous habit? Seems unlikely for someone as perfect as Karlie Kloss.

Eventually we reach the front of the line. It’s only when I’m there and see the skulls and hear the sounds coming from within that I realize we’re about to step into a haunted house.

Karlie notices me hesitate as she looks back, “What’s wrong?”

Should I tell her? Do I want Karlie Kloss to know that I don’t like haunted houses? That I’m easily scared and hate being startled? For her that would probably seem ridiculous.

“It’s not real. It’s all magicked.”

But in the moment that it happens it feels pretty real to my heart.

Stepping back from the house she stops in front of me.

“What’s the hold up?” asks a guy behind us.

He steps back when Karlie gives him a look before turning her eyes back to me, “If you don’t want to do this we can head back to town.”

I look back in the direction we came. We walked all this way and we waited all this time.

I take in a deep breath before I let it out slowly.

“Are you going to be a baby about it?” asks the same guy from before.

“Do you want me to switch your mouth hole with your butt hole?” asks Karlie. The guy makes a face at the image as she says, “Then keep it shut or I’ll fix your problem.”

The guy and his friend exchange a scared look. I’m a little scared myself as I step into the entrance of the house with her. The music playing doesn’t help, neither does the cackling coming from further inside the house.

“Wow, they put a lot of work into this,” says Karlie as she admires the room. She’s not even phased by the skeleton hanging on the wall. She’s treating it just like some school display, not the freaky thing that it is. We step into the next room where a mummy lunges at me. I drop down as I cover my hands over my head. The mummy continues to grunt and groan as it shuffles around me. I hold myself tighter as I tell it, “Go away. Go away.”

That’s when I hear the mummy let out a pain grunt followed by the sound of Karlie telling it, “You heard the lady. You scared us, now scram.”

The groaning ends and when I look up the mummy is gone.

Further up I see Karlie looking down at me with a gentle smile. Extending her hand I take it as she helps me up.

Once I’m on my feet she keeps a hold of my hand as she says, “Let’s set the speed record.”

Before I can ask what she means she starts running while keeping a firm hold on my hand. As we reach the next room a ghost floats out of the wall. Just as I let out a scream we rush past and we’re in another room. There’s a werewolf and as it lunges at us Karlie darts to the side and we’re off and past it. My heart is pounding for a different reason as we burst out the back doors.

Leaning forward I catch my breath as I lean on my knees.

Karlie gasps for a moment then raises her arms up as she lets her head drop back with a triumphant grin, “Success. We are the best. They never saw us coming.”

I laugh, “I don’t doubt it. You were running pretty fast.”

“Do you think I like things jumping out at me? The only thing I want coming at me is a chocolate frog.” As soon as she says it her smile fades.

I remember the card sitting on my nightstand. Is she thinking of the frog cards as well?

But if she was why would her mood drop. Wouldn’t she feel pride?

“Come on,” Karlie motions for me to follow, “Let’s head back to town.” She takes a step then turns round to face me as she starts walking backwards, “Unless you wanted to try and beat our record.”

I look back at the house as I notice how much it’s design looks like a gaping mouth. I shiver. “No thanks.”

I hear something hit the ground and when I look back I find Karlie lying on the ground. At her feet I notice a root jutting up; the culprit. I hurry over.

“Are you okay?”

“Nothing more than my pride bruised.”

I take her hand as I help her up. It’s strange how much we’ve held each other’s hands today. Is it normal for her, or does it make her heart flutter like mine every time our fingers touch?

“Karlie, there you are.”

I feel my heart drop as Karlie’s friends hurry over.

Ponytail grabs Karlie’s arm, pulling her away from me as the other two move between us in a defensive pose.

Seeing the dirt on Karlie’s back Ponytail turns a glare on me as she accuses, “What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything,” I point to the tree root. Before I can explain the other two move together like a door closing as they tell me, “Stop bothering our friend or we’ll make you regret ever coming to Hogwarts.”

I don’t bother them with the information that I already regret it. As they walk away I think I see Karlie look back but then her friends move between us and when they move again her head is back. I must have imagined it. I imagine a lot of things. Like that this day wouldn’t ever end.


	13. Chapter 13

Fourth year the school sets up a game of wizard’s tag. It’s house vs. house.

Using a special wand we are tasked with casting spells to color our opponents who will then be teleported from the field. It’s like a wizard’s version of muggle paint ball. But a lot more cut throat.

Before the game even gets started I see groups within the houses gathering together to plot against the other teams. Some I suspect are even plotting against their own house to take out some classmates they don’t really like.

As I move towards my own house a receive a few cold looks, “Don’t even, Taylor. We don’t need you jinxing us.”

“Yeah,” states another Hufflepuff, “We all know a dreamer like you will just zone out and end up costing us the game. Just go stand in a corner and wait to get knocked out.”

Fine. Whatever. I don’t need this. I’ll just go find an alcove and wait the battle out. It’s not like I wanted to be a part of it.

“Good luck.”

Karlie is standing in front of me wearing that usual soft smile. I don’t know what is with this girl and showing up when my heart is unprepared. But I don’t think it ever would be ready for her.

“Thanks. You too.”

“Karlie!”

We both look as her friends give her an impatient wave. She turns back to me, actually ignoring them as she says, “Don’t let those guys get to you,” I watch her eye shift to the Hufflepuffs behind me, “They don’t know what they are talking about. You can win this and blow everyone else out of the water.”

I almost laugh as I tell her, “I don’t know who you are confusing me with.”

“Trust me, I’m not confused about who you are.”

Again I feel my heart flutter as she gives me a big confident smile.

“Just play it like Taylor and you will succeed. You don’t have to be anyone else, just yourself.”

Her words remind me of my mother’s words from that very first day. Along the way I’d completely forgotten her warning. Even if I hadn’t I doubt it would change anything.

“I guess I’ll just use my natural invisibility to win this.”

I expect her to laugh but she looks serious as she nods along with my words like they are a suggestion, “I’ll find you.”

Does she even know what she’s doing when she says things like that, with such confidence.

“Then we can win it together,” the confidence in her voice punches through my doubts. I almost believe that I can win before I hear her friends call her name again.

She lets out a tired sigh before motioning to them that she’s coming. She gives me one last smile, “I better go,” before heading off. The best course of action for my heart. I don’t need a spell to knock me out all it takes is a single smile from Karlie Kloss.

Almost the whole school is part of the course.

“The areas off limits are marked with yellow ribbon. Anyone caught past them will be marked as out.”

The alarm sounds to let us know to get running before the second chime which signals the start of the game. Taking Karlie’s advice to heart I head in the opposite direction of most people. A lot of the students have decided to stand their ground in hopes they can take out the opposing sides in one big stand. A few are taking cover behind pillars. Me, I’m heading to my usual alcove. It’s down a lesser used hall and just beyond it, if I’m lucky, this side hallway won’t be marked off. It has a deep little recess that to those who aren’t looking for it just see as a shadow but if you move into the shadow you find it’s another alcove. I’ve sat there many a time and heard people discuss things they only mentioned because they thought they were alone. Things like love confessions or plans to cheat on upcoming tests.

This is why I don’t have any friends. I’m more comfortable watching people than interacting with them. But if the people interacted with me I wouldn’t mind. I’d much rather be a part of something than sitting on the outside.

My mom would tell me those things will change. That if I keep putting myself out there I will eventually make friends. But it’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair.

Off in the distance I hear the wizard tag raging as I sit in my darkened alcove. A few students run past but they don’t notice me and I don’t make any attempt to spell them. Eventually people stop coming around this part of the school as the sounds grow more and more distant.

I’m starting to doze off when I hear the sounds of someone breathing heavily, followed by the unmistakable sound of running feet.

A form comes into the hall. I expect them to run past but to my surprise they lunge into the shadow. Our bodies collide just as a group of fifth year boys runs past, not even slowing down.

“Get her!”

I feel the prey’s breath hot on my neck as we lay there for a few tense moments, their body still pressed onto mine. When we can’t hear the sounds of her pursuers anymore she sits up. In the light from the hall I see Karlie smile as she brushes back her hair.

“I was starting to think I’d never make it to you,” her smile is soft as she adds, “I’m glad I did.”

My heart shivers as I realize just seconds ago Karlie Kloss was in my arms.

“What’s going on?” my voice is tight as I manage to ask that instead of something else. Something weird, like, “Why did you have to move?”

“It was a massacre. Within the first five minutes half the student body were spelled out. Now there are only a few lingering factions from each group. I think Gryffindor has the most with ten. Slytherin is close with eight. Ravenclaw expected to do well with a complicated plan, but some Hufflepuffs blew that up when they found their strategy meeting and shot the place up.”

I look past her to the hallway where I saw the boys run past. Now that I think back I remember they were wearing Gryffindor colors.

“Are you the last Ravenclaw then?”

She shakes her head, “I got away just as the Hufflepuff attack was starting. They can be pretty vicious for a house associated with fair play. But I guess it was fair. We were just sitting ducks. I didn’t like the plan. That’s why I was on the outskirts, in case something went down. Maybe it was for my disloyalty I ran into a pack of Gryffindor on my way here.”

Before she can continue I ask the question burning in my mind, “Why are you here?” Before she can answer I add, “How do you know about this place?”

“You aren’t the only one who likes to be alone. And…” she considers her next words for a long moment.

Before she can decide what to say we hear a chime followed by the declaration, “Last of Slytherin has been taken out. Only two Ravenclaw, five Gryffindor, and one Hufflepuff remain.”

It isn’t until Karlie looks at me with wide eyes that I realize what I’ve just heard.

“I’m the last Hufflepuff.”

“I told you you could win this.”

I shake my head, “No way.”

She frowns, “Aren’t you tired of someone else getting what you wanted again,” I don’t know if winning this is something I want but I don’t say that as she continues, “and you know it’s all the same, another time another place repeating history. Aren’t you getting sick of it?”

“I couldn’t do it on my own.”

“But you’re not.”

I look at her, waiting for her to smile and tell me it’s all a joke before she deals the final blow.

So I remind her, “We’re outnumbered.”

“They might be bigger but we’re faster and never scared.”

My pounding heart would like to disagree.

“Tonight we’ll stand, get off our knees and fight for what we’ve worked for all these years.”

“And what is that?”

She expression is half smile half laugh as she shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know. Maybe…We can finally break the walls they put up to hold us back. We can revolt. Don’t you think it’s time we finally win?”

I don’t think Karlie Kloss has ever lost anything but I do know I am personally tired of always being picked last, or not at all.

Karlie’s smile grows as she says, “You can walk away, say we don’t need this. But I see there’s something in your eyes, something that says you know you can beat this. The battle will be long and it will be a fight for our lives, but we’ll stand up champions tonight.”

I want to believe her especially when I see the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. When she grips my hands in hers it’s like a bravery potion ignites in my veins as she tells me, “I believe in whatever you do. And I’ll do anything to see it through.”

I know I should stay where I am. Wait till there’s only one person left and then declare my surrender. But something about the way she’s looking at me makes my heart thrill. And when her hands squeeze mine tighter I know I’m not going to be able to say anything other than, “I think I have an idea.”


	14. Chapter 14

I’ve always known Karlie is smart, but she’s impressed by my idea to take down the other teams.

“You are one ruthless Hufflepuff,” she grins wickedly as she adds, “I like it.”

Letting me take the lead, I have her draw three Gryffindor into an ambush with some sound balls. The balls record sound and then replay it over and again. We record ourselves trying to hush each other, “Or those stupid Gryffindor will find us.”

As they move into our trap we jump out to spell them, hitting all three with our colors. Just as their faces start to register the shock of realizing what has happened the spell transports them away from the course.

Karlie looks back at me with a smile. “That was amazing. Let’s finish this.”

She holds out her hand to me and I reach out to take it. I can’t tell you why but I’m caught up in her as we run off together.

At another part of the school we find the final Ravenclaw having a Mexican standoff with the final two Gryffindor. Just as we arrive the Ravenclaw gets hit by a stray shot. As he goes down the two Gryffindor pump their arms as they start to cheer. Before they can get out a full cry they receive a shot to the chest. I look back from them to Karlie as she lowers her wand.

“Gryffindor is out,” declares the announcement, “The final two players are Karlie Kloss and –.”

I hear cheers off at a distance at Karlie’s name. The cheers are so loud I don’t even hear my own name. I’m sure they say it. Maybe.

Beside me Karlie laughs, “They sure are certain I’m going to be the one to win. But,” I look down, seeing her wand hit the ground before I look up to see her hands raise.

“Go on.”

I shake my head, “No way. You are the one that deserves this. All I did was hide.”

“Everyone has their own methods for winning. And hiding wasn’t against the rules.”

“I’m not going to shoot you.”

She grabs my hand as she points my wand at her heart, “Shoot me. I want you to shoot me. I want you to win. You deserve this. Win. For the both of us.”

I can’t even remember doing it, but next thing I know Karlie has a yellow light glowing on her chest, then she disappears as the hit takes her off the course.

As soon as she’s gone the final chime sounds signaling the end of the game, “Victory to Hufflepuff.”

I hear surprised sounds followed by delayed screams as my house starts cheering. When I reach the great hall where the houses are waiting I’m swarmed by my classmates as they lift me on their shoulders like some kind of champion. As they carry me past the Ravenclaw I look over finding Karlie among her group of friends as they look to be scolding her for something. Then I lose her as I’m carried to the front of the room where I join my class in receiving the wizard tag trophy.

I can’t even tell you what happened after that. The night moves past in a blur of celebratory butterbeers and more food than I’ve ever eaten in my whole life. By the time I get back to my room my head is spinning from all the activity.

As I lay down I notice a motion to my side. Looking over I see my wizard card. I give it a brief look before turning away. Then I realize what I saw and turn back as I pick up the card. There like the first time stands Karlie, giving the capture a brief smile before dropping her eyes to the ground.

Not since that first time has her image appeared on the card. I don’t understand why she’s back now but I smile as I study her image. I move the card in close as I notice something in her gaze. It’s only when her image is a few inches from mine that I notice a sadness to her smile. A strain to her gaze. And when her eyes drop in that shy look I catch a glimpse of pain. Before she appeared humbly enchanting but now I can’t help but think she looks haunted.

What does this mean? Am I just seeing things wrong? Or has everything I’ve seen up till now been a mistake?

Who is the real Karlie Kloss? The question keeps me up that night.


	15. Chapter 15

After the game of wizards tag I find myself with friends again.

Things seem better this time. Real.

They don’t even mention Karlie once, though sometimes she’s the only thing on my mind. I find myself looking for her on occasion when we enter the great hall. Ever since I noticed the sadness in her card’s eyes I’ve felt the need to check up on her. I never approach her but seeing her smiling with her friends is enough to assure me everything is alright.

When it comes time to visit Hogsmeade I finally have someone to go with as me and my friends take moving pictures. When we get them back my friends laugh at how I look surprised in every image.

“It’s like you are amazed each time to be in the photo.”

I tell myself they are laughing with me and not at me. Ever since wizard tag people have started to see me like some invisible monster. They might think I’m bullet proof, but I’m not.

But instead of reminding them of that I laugh with my friends as they point out each time my mouth is hung open in surprise.

“I think she looks cute,” we look back, my eyes going wide when I see Karlie smiling at me softly, “innocent.”

My friend Grant elbows me as he makes a snorting sound, “Hear that, Tay, she thinks you’re cute. You must be so flattered to have Karlie Kloss impressed with you.”

Over the years students have split into two factions. Those who practically worship Karlie Kloss and those who try to take her every mistake and make it seem like a threat to our lives.

I don’t know how I feel about Karlie but I know I’m not in this last group. And I’m not in the first group.

At least, I don’t think I am.

I do sometimes stare at her wizard card when I can’t sleep, having her image be the last thing I see before I fade away. But that’s only because I’m still confused by the look I see in her eyes. What does it all mean? More and more I find myself asking who is the real Karlie Kloss? Is it the girl who volunteers at orphan shelters, or the girl who sneaks into Hogsmeade without her friends?

Can’t she be both?

I’m not just the girl who sits in class and daydreams. I’m also the girl who uses that time to think about how I might make my friend’s lives better. For Grant I get a special band that holds his wand so it doesn’t fly out of his hand whenever he drops it. Which he does a lot. For Julia I make some hand craft knit gloves for her Divination classes because I know how cold she gets in the old tower.

By Christmas I’ve given my each of my friends at least half a dozen gifts. At the time I give them their holiday gifts I notice a strain in their smile.

“Can this be the last gift for the year?” asks Grant.

I laugh, thinking he’s joking as I say, “Of course. It almost is New Years. Then I have something extra special in mind,” I wink.

Julia frowns as she shakes her head, “That’s not what he meant. It’s just, these gifts are great, Tay, but it’s a little burdensome to always receive and never give.”

“I don’t mind being the only one giving. I like you guys.”

Another exchange before Grant says with a tight smile, “Could you not like us so much?”

I don’t know what I expected friendship to be like but it was never like this.


	16. Chapter 16

The summer before fifth year my friends and I get invited to a seventh year Ravenclaw house for an end of the solstice bash. I don’t really want to go but my friends do so I take a chance that things will go well.

Things go okay until someone suggest, “Let’s do Floo stranger.”

The others cheer as I turn to Grant with a confused, “What’s that?”

He laughs like he thinks I’m joking. When I frown he sees I’m serious. “You know how witches and wizards use the Floo network to order things, like food and items,” I nod, “Some kids made a game of ordering stuff. Then one brave soul waits at the exit of the Floo to kiss the delivery person when they arrive.”

My body goes cold as he laughs.

“That sounds terrible.”

He only laughs harder and I start to wonder if I’ve been blind again.

“It’s all in good fun, Tay. Don’t take it so seriously, none of the delivery people do.”

The seventh year comes around to collect names for the drawing, “Let’s see who our lucky lips is going to be.”

When he holds out the hat to me I shake my head, “I’ll sit this one out.”

“Aw, come on, Tay,” starts Julia, “Have some fun.”

Before I can stop him Grant throws my name into the hat.

My heart is pounding as I watch the hat spin around as fireworks leap from inside out of its insides. Finally it comes to a stop as the fireworks burst out one final time, forming the name of the winner.

My heart stops moving as I see my name in the flashing lights.

“You are so lucky,” states Grant.

I don’t see how.

The seventh year comes over with a big grin as he says, “Now for the fun part. What place do we order from?”

“Amid’s Chicken,” suggests Grant.

Julia gives him a confused look as I feel my palms start to sweat, “Why there?”

My face goes hot as he says, “Because that’s where Jacob works. You know, Jacob. The guy Tay is always staring at.”

I do not always stare at him. But he has caught my eye on occasion.

“I heard he’s working tonight on deliveries.”

The seventh year smiles, as if savoring the suggestion, as he says, “Amid’s chicken. I’ve heard of that place. Let’s do it.”

I find my voice but too late as he gets lost in the party’s occupants. I turn back to my friends, “You have to stop this. I can’t do it.”

“It’s no big deal. Afterwards the delivery person has a good laugh about it. And they have a story to take back to share with their bored coworkers.”

“If you are really that scared,” starts Julia, I think I have my escape before she pulls out a vial, “Take this. It’s a bravery potion. It will give you the courage you need to have a good time.”

“Yeah, come on, Tay. Have a good time. It’s not like you’ll get in trouble for it. Live a little.”

My heart is still pounding but with them continuing to press me I finally take the potion as I down it in one gulp.

“Alright, the order is placed, the delivery person should be on their way,” declares the seventh year. The room cheers as I’m pushed to the designated spot.

Around me the room starts to count down, having the time between placing the order and receiving the delivery down. I’m not the first one to do this and I won’t be the last. But I’m sure I’m the first to wish this much that I were somewhere else.

Just as the bravery potion kicks in the smoke in the chimney puffs out as the deliveryman appears. As he steps forward I think for a moment how much taller he seems than at school. Jacob must have shot up over the summer. Even what I can see of his face from the shadow cast by his deliver hat doesn’t look like his jaw line. But I push all these thoughts out of my mind as I take a step forward. Just as the delivery guy opens his mouth to say his line I come in, feeling my lips press against his as everything in that moment seems to explode and fade away into nothing.

It’s the first kiss. It’s flawless. Really something. It’s…fearless.

Then I hear an actual explosion. Turning I find the seventh years grinning as they hold up a motion camera. They laugh as the delivery person turns and disappears into the Floo network.

“Look at her face.”

“That’s what she gets for thinking she’s so great.”

My heart drops as I see everyone around me grinning. They were all in on this. All of them I realize as I spot Grant and Julia rolling on the floor laughing.

Though I won the game for them their awe of me has worn off. Now I realize they enjoy the sight of me being humiliated. They tell me they want me, then push me around. Why do they have to make me feel small? Is it so they can feel whole inside? They’ve never accepted me or my dreams. They’re constantly putting me down. But I’m sick and tired of wondering about their reasons. Down here on the ground I see who they are. They’re outcasts just like me trying to fit in by standing on top of other people. But I’m not going to be anyone’s stepping stone anymore.

I take a step back, let it go. I told them I wasn’t bulletproof. Now they know.

There’s more laughter as someone actually points at me and says, “Guess you’re not a good kisser. They didn’t want to stick around.”

My face is burning as I stalk towards the door. On my way Grant grabs my arm as he tries to stop me, “Hey, come on, it was just a little prank. Don’t take it so seriously. It was just the luck of the draw that you were the one chosen. But this wasn’t about you.”

I don’t understand. Seeing I’m not grasping the situation Julia points to the Floo as she says, “Jacob. It was a prank on Jacob.”

Someone laughs and we turn to see the seventh year from before coming towards us, “Nah ah, I know for a fact he was out sick. Someone else was filling in for him,” my friends eyes go wide as they ask, “Then who was that?”

“It doesn’t concern you, Hufflepuff,” states the seventh year with the usual pride of a Ravenclaw. No, I shouldn’t say that. Every house is pride. We all think we are better than everyone else around us.

“But, I can tell you,” he looks at me as he gives a sinister grin.

Kids at the school always talk about Slytherin like they are delinquents and bad people. But evil isn’t found in a house, it’s found in a person. And evil can be found anywhere. Even in a house of geniuses.

I feel the stab of betrayal pierce my chest as I turn and run out of the house alone. Like I’ve always been.


	17. Chapter 17

I take a deep breath and walk through the doors. It’s the first morning of my very first day of fifth year. I say “hi” to some of my classmates I haven’t seen in a while. But for the most part I stay out of everybody’s way.

I’m sure by now everyone has heard about the Floo prank. Just four more years in this place and then I’ll never have to see any of them ever again.

For some reason I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not.

As I pass a car I spot Grand and Julia. After how they treated me at the party I told myself I wasn’t going to talk to them again, but seeing them again reminds me of all our good times together. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

I sit down in front of them, “Hey.”

They don’t look happy to see me, as if they are the ones who should be upset.

“Why couldn’t you two just laugh it off and take it as a joke?”

I frown with confusion as I ask, “What do you mean? It wasn’t funny.”

“It was until your little friend attacked us. Guess they couldn’t bear the thought of having their perfect image ruined by such a photo. Why couldn’t you just laugh it off and move on like everybody else?”

The more they talk the deeper my breathing comes as I realize they are acting the victim. That they are blaming me. I really don’t know if this is how friendships are supposed to be but even if they are I don’ think I can put up with it anymore.

“They do this every year,” explains Julia, not even noticing my breathing pattern, “They hang up the photos is a special spot but this year all those photos got taken down. But that wasn’t enough, everyone at the party got hexed with a silence spell. Now we can’t even mention that night.”

“But you are talking about it now.”

She frowns, “This is as much as I can manage. If I try to say anything more,” she starts to and her lips suck in like she’s eaten an especially sour lemon.

My eyes go wide as I look to Grant, “What kind of spell is that?”

“It was specially made just for us.”

“But who cast it? Was it the teachers?”

Julia snorts as her mouth relaxes. Beside her Grant looks to be fuming as he snaps, “As if you don’t know.”

They say time can heal most anything but my wounds all feel as fresh as the moment I received them. And this time cuts as deeply as the first time as their eyes tell me what their closed mouths refuse to. It’s time for me to leave.

At the door of the cabin I cast back one final look. It seems I’ll be starting another year completely alone.

yay.


	18. Chapter 18

Alone. It’s a running theme for me.

What is my problem? Is it just me or is it all them?

I must have some part in it or I wouldn’t have so many people dumping me. My mother always assures me I’m a sweet girl that anyone would be lucky to have as a friend. But she’s my mother. They are required by law to say stuff like that.

I’m starting to doubt every nice thing that was ever said about me. I know the sorting hat said I had potential but he must have meant for evil. Aren’t most villains outcasts after all?

I am the one that writes songs about all the people that have wronged me. I say it’s to help me cope, but maybe I could let things go and move on quicker if I didn’t keep a record of it.

I thought I had things figured out, but all I have to do is count to ten and things chance. This whole life seems to be nothing but an endless stream of events reminding me that I don’t know who I am or who I’m going to be. Will I ever figure it out?

All I want is to be wanted. Is that really too much to ask? To just have one good friend who won’t abandon me over stupid little things. I wish my future self could come back and tell me that it’s going to get better. But she probably hasn’t because it would be a total lie.

Up ahead I spot a Slytherin looking around like a tourist. She’s even holding a map which she turns round and round in her hand.

I shouldn’t even bother talking to anyone, but me and my blind optimism steps over as I ask, “You lost?”

She looks relieved to see me as she lets out a breath, “Yes, I am. Can you help me?”

Even after years of being rejected I have yet to learn to look before I fall as I put myself out there, “Where are you trying to go?”

She tells me and I feel the beginnings of a smile start to spread across my face, “That’s the class I’m headed to next. Are you a fifth year?” She nods, “How did you make it this long without learning your way around?”

Her laugh is soft and I notice, a little sad, as she tells me, “This is my first year. I transferred from Beauxbaton this year,” she smiles again and this time I for sure see a strain to it. I can’t even imagine what it would be like for her to start a new school this late.

I offer to take her with me to class. As we walk she tells me, “Sorry for being a bother.”

I give her a reassuring smile as I say, “It’s fine. No problem at all.”

“Wow, you are really nice,” she looks surprised by her own words as she backtracks, “Sorry, it’s just…the girls at my last school weren’t always the nicest. I joined their school three years after they had started. By then everyone had made their own clicks and no one was willing to open up to a stranger,” she shrugs as if it doesn’t matter but I can tell by her downcast eyes that it does, “I guess they weren’t at a point in their academic careers where they were ready to shake up their social structure.”

“I know what you mean.” I tell her about my own experience, getting up to this summer’s events before I realize I’m shouldn’t have, “I should have kept that to myself. Don’t’ want you to think it’s all bad. There are some good people,” my mind grinds for a moment as it tries to come up with names, any name, the only one it can manage is Karlie Kloss. Once my thoughts go to her I’m off thinking about the last time I saw her. Thinking about it, I didn’t even see her on the train and I walked down all the cars since I had nowhere to sit.

“My name is Abigail by the way.”

I smile at the red head as I give her my name. She asks about my favorite and least favorite subjects and school and somehow that gets us onto other topics like music and TV. When we get to class we chat the whole way through, laughing at a group of girls who think they’re so cool.

“They act like this is all there is to life. But soon we’ll be out of here.”

“I can’t wait.”

We both laugh till the teacher calls out for us to be quiet.

We don’t have the same class after but I promise to meet up with her at the end to help her get to her next class. When my class is over I hurry across the school to find her waiting. My heart leaps at the sight as hope starts to blossom. But I remind it that she doesn’t know her way around and I’m the only one she has right now.

But as soon as she finds someone better…

Hope withers.

But every day for the next week we continue this routine. Even after she learns the schools layout she still waits for me. For the first time in forever I have a friend. Just when I was losing hope I find a person who actually laughs at my jokes and listens when I talk. And when I give her gifts she smiles brightly and never looks burdened by it. On occasion she even pulls out her own gift to give me.

“I saw it and thought of you.”

No one has ever done that before. I turn away so she can’t see the tears in my eyes.

It took until I was fifteen but this time I have no doubt about it: I have a best friend.


	19. Chapter 19

When Quidditch season starts up Abigail invites me to join her in the Slytherin booth.

It’s the first game I’ve attended. My Hufflepuff friends were never into the sport, “Our team always loses, why bother going,” and my Ravenclaw friends thought the sport was beneath them.

As I follow Abigail up the stairs I feel my heart pounding in my chest. I’m excited and scared all at the same time. Today’s game is Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw. Most everyone that’s not part of the two houses is rooting for Ravenclaw.

When we reach the top some Slytherin look back, giving me dirty looks when they see my scarf.

One of them whispers not so quietly, “What’s a badger doing here?”

His friend gives him a dirty look as he says, “Leave her alone. She can sit here if she wants.”

“You just can’t root for the other team,” states the first guy. His friend elbows him, “What?”

The booth is pretty packed but a boy waves us over to a bench with him and two other girls.

“We have divination together, right?” asks the boy.

We both nod.

“I’m Todd, this is Gertrude and Zelda.”

The two girls smile warmly as they wave. I nod in greeting.

As the game starts up Gertrude explains the rules since neither Abigail nor I know anything about the game. Once she’s finished Todd tells us, “It’s okay if you don’t understand the game. I don’t understand it myself. I only come to watch Lance, he’s that cutie guarding the goal.”

He smiles and we laugh as he starts sharing the gossip about each of the players, “That’s Mallory Grey, she was supposed to graduate last year but she flunked to stay back with her younger boyfriend.”

“That’s so sweet,” goes Abigail.

“Not really,” says Zelda, “He dumped her because he said he didn’t want to date a flunkie.”

“That’s terrible.”

Todd shrugs as he says, “So is life. That’s why I choose to love from a distance. That way they never really reject me.”

We all laugh. Before the end of the night both Abigail and I make new friends with Todd and the girls.

I know people see Slytherin as being exclusive but after today I would have to say they are the nicest people I’ve met so far. Not all of them, but like with any group of people there are going to be some that get along better than others and some that just don’t get along at all.

On our way out of the booth together we pass a group of Ravenclaw. My eyes run across Karlie’s friends before going back as I search their faces for hers. When I don’t find her I tell Abigail, “Hold on a sec, I have to check on something.”

The group of girls frown as soon as they see me coming.

“What do you want?” inquires Ponytail. After all these years I’ve realized she’s the brains of the group as the girls behind her fold their arms and give me “go away” eyes.

“Is Karlie here?”

My question seems to annoy them more than my presence as Ponytail snaps, “She’s not here.”

“Where is she?”

She snorts, “Do I look like her mother?”

“No. Her mother doesn’t wear that much makeup.”

Behind her Glasses and Raven Hair’s mouths drop as Ponytail’s eyes narrow into a scowl.

I head back just as she regains her voice, “Oh yeah, well at least I wear make-up. You look like a baby.”

Abigail gives me a curious look as I rejoin the look. “What was that about?”

I smile as we walk away together. “Nothing important. With no one that matters.”

After that I join the Slytherin at their table for my meals where we talk about poetry, muffle facts, and our favorite boy bands.

“Don’t even get me started on 1D. I am still shook.”

We all laugh as Todd starts into anyway.


	20. Chapter 20

Stranger than not seeing Karlie is the fact that I don’t even hear about her. When I ask people they give me a look like I’m talking to them about a ghost. The girl who everyone was once talking about is now treated like a distant memory.

“Oh yeah, her.”

What happened?

Does she even go to Hogwarts anymore?

I don’t expect an answer to the question but Gertrude is the one who tells me, “I saw her the other day coming out of Mr. Link’s class. I heard rumors she’s using a time-turner this year to take advanced classes.”

Abigail frowns, “I thought all those were destroyed.”

“They made new ones,” states Todd.

“Who is this Karlie?”

I don’t get a chance to answer as the others give her a list like they are talking about Regina George from Mean Girls.

“Karlie Kloss is flawless. Like, I hear she takes a spell every morning to give herself a glow.”

“Karlie Kloss gets perfect marks in everything. I heard they had her help with writing this years O.W.L.”

“She was chosen to be put on the wizard rookie cards.”

“Oh, I saw those.”

“One time she met Harry Potter and he knew who she was.”

I haven’t heard any of these things, other than the frog card thing, but I find all of it believable. Karlie Kloss really is that amazing.

At the end Abigail laughs until she sees how serious our friends look, “You are for real? But, she doesn’t even sound like a real person. Are you sure she’s not someone’s spell and the reason no one sees her anymore is because her time ran out?”

I know she means it as a joke. But at night when I head back to my room I rush to my nightstand where my card still sits. My heart leaps to my throat when I see the card is blank.

“No, Taylor, don’t. It’s just a joke.”

I assure myself of this over and over as I get under the covers. But as I lay there staring up at the ceiling I only work myself up more.

Halfway through the night I get up to get some water. Once I reach the ground level instead of heading to the sink I keep walking until I’m out of the common room and off through the kitchen.

I don’t know why but my mind takes me to my hidden alcove. It’s not until I’m standing in the shadows that I see a second form sitting on the ground. They look like a ball with their knees pulled up to their chest as their head rests in the gap.

“Karlie?”

Slowly the head lifts as her face slowly turns towards me, “Taylor?” Her voice sounds tight as she asks, “What are you doing here?”

“I haven’t seen you at all this year. I was starting to get worried. Especially with all the various theories.”

“Oh, yeah,” she smiles a tired smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, “I’ve been pretty busy this year.”

“I heard you’re using a time spinner. That sounds…interesting.”

She laughs lightly before the sound cuts off as she looks away. As I watch her she reaches her hand into her blouse where she pulls out the time spinner, “It’s really amazing. A little disorienting at times, but I think I’m getting used to it.”

“But why are you using it?”

She lets out a long slow sigh as she looks down, “Mr. Link recommended me for it this year. He said it might give me more of a challenge. All the teachers agreed that I could handle it.”

Something in her voice makes me ask, “Is it what you want?”

She swallows, still not looking at me as she says, “It did give me a chance to tell my friends exactly what I think and then take it back. So, it hasn’t been all bad…” she pauses as if considering something, “Is there something you wish you could take back? Something you wish you hadn’t done.”

I think of all my friendships over the years. My final regret comes as the memory of the Floo kiss. My first kiss, it made my head spin, but there have to be greater things in life than dating the boy on the Quidditch team. Not that I ever had a chance.

Karlie is watching me as I come back from the memory. She gives me a glimpse of a smile before looking away again, “I have a few too many moments I’d like to take back. And they won’t let you travel back to first year.”

“First year? Why would you want to go all the way back there?”

Her laugh is tight as she says, “For one, I’d like to stop myself from making friends with Chamomile,” I only realize she’s referring to Ponytail as she adds, “And I’d make sure I sat down and made friends with the girl I said hi to that first day. The girl I’ve wanted to be friends with since the first moment I saw her.”

My heart flutters as her eyes fix on me, “You know, I noticed you at the sorting hat ceremony.”

I frown as I ask, “Why?”

Her laugh is lighter than the other as she says, “Why not? Don’t you remember what the hat said about you?”

I haven’t thought about it much since then.

“You have a lot of potential.”

I laugh like I did then.

“You know, he was right about everything. I’ve paid attention and you are exactly as he said.”

I shake my head, “That’s not true. I’m not special.”

She shakes her head, “You are wrong, Taylor Swift. You are far more special than even you realize. Especially to me.”

I don’t know what to say and end up staring. As I do she picks up the time spinner as she lets out a tired sigh.

“That’s one more thing to mark off my bucket list. I could say more, but I don’t want to do so much I don’t want to go back.”

Before I can ask her what she means she starts to spin the timer and—

I enter the secret hallway standing just outside the shadows. Then I step inside. The area is completely empty. I let out a disappointed sigh.

I don’t know what I expected.


	21. Chapter 21

Abigail comes into the great hall waving a piece of paper. I laugh at her excited energy as she jumps onto the seat in front of me.

“What’s up, Abs?”

She slaps the paper down in front of me. I study it for a moment. The flyer is asking for volunteers to act in the upcoming play.

“Romeo and Juliet and the magic robe,” I frown as I look up, “Is this a reimagining of the Shakespeare play?”

She smiles, “No. More like Romeo and Juliet was the muggle equivalent of a magical tale. Shakespeare adapted it for them by taking out all the magic.”

“What was the original story about?”

Abigail gives me a quick rundown as we eat our breakfast. In the real story instead of being children of rival families Romeo and Juliet were magic users from different houses.

“Romeo was a Gryffindor and Juliet was a Slytherin. It was so romantic,” Abigail has a far off look in her eyes as she lets out a dreamer’s sigh, “though their houses were bitter rivals it was love that brought them together.”

I smile glad to see my friend so happy.

“I’m going to try out for it. Do you want to come?”

My eyes return to the flyer as I think it over. When I was younger I thought Romeo and Juliet’s story was so romantic with them giving up everything for one another. Even with all that was against them. Now I see it as tragic.

“I’d really like to get the part of Juliet,” says Abigail, “But I heard Karlie is trying out so we all know she’s got that role locked in.”

My lips press together as my eyes slowly rise, “I guess I can check it out.”

She smiles, “Great. We are going to have so much fun.” I smile back as she reaches across the table to grip my hands.

In a way Abigail and I are like Romeo and Juliet. An unlikely pairing, a Hufflepuff and a Slytherin. Even though we’ve only known each other a short time I know I would die for her. The only difference is that there is nothing romantic between us. For me, my heart belongs to—

“Karlie Kloss.”

My eyes flash over to Abigail as I go, “What?”

She points across the room as she asks, “That’s her right. Wow, she really is pretty. I can see why people talk about her so much.”

I start to sit up as I try to get a look over the heads of those around us, “She’s smart too.”

“I heard. She’s a triple threat: brains, beauty, and bravery. You know, I heard she stood up to some seventh years who had been running this prank on lower years.”

I don’t know where she’s gone but I don’t see her. I let out a disappointed sigh as I sit back down. As I do Todd sits down, catching the end of Abigail’s statement as he says, “I heard about that. Apparently the seventh years had been using it to put lower classmen they thought were getting too full of themselves in their places. They’d post up the pictures in a secret area where everyone could see the humiliating images. But Karlie spelled them all before they could post the photo and made sure they weren’t ever able to say the names of the two students involved.”

This can’t be a coincidence, “What exactly was the prank?”

“You know the Floo network?”

I tune out as he starts to describe the summer party. Finally I spot Karlie sitting at the Ravenclaw table. She looks tired as she sits eating her food. Unlike in the past no one looks to be paying her any mind as she looks to be in a world of her own.

“I’ll be right back.”

This time when I approach Karlie Ponytail doesn’t attack. In fact, I don’t see her nearby. I spot her all the way down on the other end of the table.

“Karlie?”

Her expression is grey but as soon as her eyes see me she lights up. “Taylor.”

My heart flutters at her smile as I forget for a moment why I’m there.

“I heard you are trying out for the play? Do you really have time for that?”

Her smile is grim as she says, “I have all the time in the world now.”

“Abigail and I are going to check it out.”

Her smile is so soft I fear even the softest of breezes could break it, “Abigail seems like a really good person. I’m glad you finally found some good friends.”

“Thanks. I also heard you are using her free time to take down social injustice,” her mouth tenses as I continue, “They say the seventh years were doing it to put down a lower classman.”

“People are always trying to better themselves by putting others down. But I didn’t do it for their target. I did it for the person caught in the middle.”

Her gaze is so intense I can’t maintain it. I look away. When I turn back she’s gone.

How does she do it? She manages to make me so happy before it turns back to sad.

She says everything I need to hear and it’s like I couldn’t ask for anything better.

But something is always missing.


	22. Chapter 22

Karlie isn’t at the auditions. I’ll admit I’m disappointed. I just won’t admit how much.

Afterwards Abigail and I head back to my room to go over lines, “I’ll be lucky if I can get a role with a name, but it’s worth trying, right?”

I nod as I run lines with her. After our second run through the pen she’s nervously spinning with her fingers drops onto the floor. As she comes up from picking grabbing it she asks, “Is that a guitar under your bed?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Do you play?” before I can answer her eyes light up with excitement, “Oh wait, is that what you are always writing in your journal? Are you a singer songwriter?”

My face flushes with her excitement, “It’s not that big a deal. When I didn’t have anyone to hang out with I taught myself guitar and turned some of my poems into songs.”

“Play me something,” I think of the last time I tried to play for my friends. But the spark in her eyes reminds me she’s not Yumi or the other girls, “Please. I bet you are really good.”

After a little more cajoling I agree as I pull out the guitar. I stall for a bit as I tune it. Then I take several moments thinking over what to play. In the end I decide on a piece I know we will both appreciate, “How can I ever try to be better? Nobody ever lets me in. I can still see you. This ain’t the best view on the outside looking in. And I’ve been a lot of lonely places. I’ve never been on the outside.”

When I finish Abigail is wiping at her eyes. I put my guitar aside as I move towards her to wrap my arms around her in comfort.

“Are you okay?”

“You just perfectly captured how I’ve felt at Beauxbatons,” when we pull apart she’s smiling as she says, “But it also reminded me of how grateful I am that I’m not alone anymore.”

I smile back as we hug again.

When she leaves I pull out my journal as I quickly write down the words before they disappear, “I used to be alone. But now I know my place is next to you. Even when you are not around I’ll always know just where to find you.”

I make a picture of a heart after the line as I smile. As I stare at the shape my heart starts to flutter. I’d thought I’d written the words about Abigail but she wasn’t the one in my heart. I’m not sure what any of it means but I put it out of my mind.

A week later Abigail informs me she’s booked me a “gig” at Hogsmeade.

“Abby, no. I can’t play my songs.

“But you are so good. Just one time. Please. Todd and the girls really want to hear you.”

“Then I can do a private showing.”

“Just once, please, please. You are too good to not share your heart with the world. You captured exactly how I felt so perfectly. There are others out there like us and they will relate to your songs as well.”

My hands are shaking before the event as I stand to the side. Abigail notices as hse puts her hands on top of mine to hold them steady.

“Oh, here, Todd made this for you. Just in case.”

She winks before holding out a bravery potion to me. I know I shouldn’t but if my hands don’t stop shaking I won’t be able to do anything. Abigail heads off as I down the potion. A wait a few moments before my name is called. As I step onto the stage Abigail gives me an excited smile as the others let out loud cheers of support. I try to focus only on them as I play my first song but I know I’m tense and I miss a few chords.

As the last strains of the song fade away I hear the bell at the back chime the entrance of a new person. When I look I see Karlie as she glides into the room. Her head is down as she walks but when my friends start cheering she looks towards the sound. I watch her eyes travel across the group of people before rising to the stage. As soon as her eyes meet mine my heart stops then starts again at the sight of her smile.

I had planned my set list before coming up but now as I see her standing there waiting for me to continue I start a completely different song, This is wrong I can’t help but feel like there ain’t nothing more right. I can’t help but wish I could see your face. I knew form the first note played I’d be breaking all my rules to see you,” I should be looking at the crowd, I should be looking anywhere but at her and yet she’s the only thing I see as she her smile grows, “You smile that beautiful smile. Tell me things like I can’t take my eyes off you. I’m no one special, just another wide eyed girl who’s desperately in love with you. Good morning loneliness, comes around when I’m not dreaming of you. When my world wakes up today you’ll be in another town. And I knew when I saw your face, I’d be counting down the ways to see you. I’m invisible and everyone knows who you are and you’ll never see. But I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose. All those other girls—well, they’re beautiful, but would they write a song for you? I’m no one special, just another wide eyed girl who’s desperately in love with you.”

The crowd cheers as I finish the song. I look down long enough to hit the final note and when I look up again she’s gone. I search the face but like the lingering tune she’s faded away. And I’m left here wishing she’d never entered and sent my heart racing.


	23. Chapter 23

Once the roles for the play are cast Abigail informs us she’ll be playing Juliet’s hand maid.

“You mean Karlie’s handmaid,” corrects Todd.

She shakes her head, “No, Karlie wasn’t cast for Juliet.

My friends all react with surprised.

“How did that happen?”

“She was cast as Romeo.”

Now I’m the one surprised as I ask how that happened.

“Apparently in the original play all the roles were played by women. The theatre director wanted to stay true to the original play as much as possible and thought Karlie was better suited for the role of Romeo. She does cut quiet a figure in her tights and wizard’s cape.”

Todd laughs as he adds, “And she has experience kissing girls.”

Gertrude frowns as she elbows him, “You know that’s just a rumor.”

“All rumors have a start in truth.”

I’m not paying them any attention as I’m off in my own world imagining Karlie on a white horse charging towards battle. Her smile gleams brighter than her sword as she looks eager to save the princess. A poor jaded girl who wants nothing more than to be accepted for who she is.

“—he says we are like the Romeo and Juliet of our time,” I tune back in just as Abigail says these words.

“Sorry, what’s going on?”

Todd does an annoyed hair flip as he says, “Abigail’s go a boyfriend. Some Gryffindor jock working lighting in the play.”

Ignoring his disdain Abigail turns the full scope of her joy on me as she informs me, “You should see him, Taylor, he is so handsome. And his hair, his hair is his best feature. Plus he’s older, so he’s way more mature than fifth year guys. And he’s so sensible, so incredible, and I know you are just jealous, Todd.”

She gives him a look as he stops rolling his eyes half way through. He lets out a snort but doesn’t disagree.

“He opens doors for me and tells me how beautiful I look. And he’s asked me out on a date tonight. We’re going to go driving in his car and go see a movie back in London.”

After the date she comes back to the Slytherin common room dancing around the room as she tells us everything about it, “He was such a gentlemen and at the end of the date, he told me he likes me. Like really really likes me. He might even love me.”

We all congratulate her as she jumps onto the cushion beside me, “Taylor, could you write a love song about me and Matthew?”

“I don’t know.”

I try to come up with some romantic lines but nothing comes to mind. Not till the play starts and Karlie steps on stage.

I’m standing back stage to give Abigail support between scenes. I was just planning on doing my homework in the meantime but as soon as I see her I lose track of everything else. Her voice is so sweet and she knows just what to say and how to say it to make Juliet swoon. She’s not the only one.

Behind me I hear a group of girls giggling as one says, “I never realized she was such a Casanova.”

“More like Klossanova.”

My eyes go back to the stage as I watch Juliet coming down the stairs in the first moment that the star-crossed lovers meet. Before I have a chance to stop it I’m lost in another world as I find myself the one on stage coming down the stairs. There are lights, a party, ball gowns, and then I there in the crowd among a group of guys I spot her. The moment my eyes land on her it’s like she’s struck by a bolt which causes her to turn and look at me. Then it’s like a magnet pulling us together as we meet in the middle.

Our hands touch and the world around us melts away as we become lost in each other. But things are complicated and before we know it we are setting up secret meetings in the garden where we sneak out to meet. We have to be quiet because if anyone knew we’d be dead.

With Abigail’s help we pass notes as I beg my Romeo, “Take me somewhere we can be alone. I’ll be waiting; all that’s left to do is run. I’ll be the princess and you’ll be the prince. This is a love story. Just say, yes.”

There’s no reply and I feel my heart break with worry and doubts as I send another note, “I’ve been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you, but you never come. Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think.”

I feel like I’m going insane, like I’ve imagined every longing look, every caress of her hand, then I receive her reply, “You’ll never have to be alone. I love you, and that’s all I really know.”

My hope is renewed but everyone is still against us. Alone in my room I lament to Abigail, “They’re telling me how to feel.”

As I collapse onto my bed Abigail informs me she has another letter. I can almost feel Karlie’s fingers interlace with mine as she assures me, “This love is difficult but it’s real. Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.”

I hold the letter to my chest as I imagine I’m holding her, “But what if I get tired of waiting? My faith has been fading.”

Just then there is a sound at the window. When I look up I find Karlie standing on my balcony striking a gallant pose as the window whips her hair around her. My heart faints in my chest as I forget how to breath.

Leaping down as gracefully as a panther she stalks towards me, lifting me up in her arms as she swings me around before tipping me down. Her hand brushes my cheek then her face moves down towards mine.

A squeal breaks me out of my fantasy as I find myself backstage again with Karlie in front of me seducing another girl. The real Juliet. As Karlie leans down to kiss her I feel my ears go hot. But their lips down touch. Their faces just turn away from the audience so it looks like it but they don’t come close to actually doing it. My lips tingle at the thought of her lips actually connecting with mine. Even though they don’t I can the warmth on my mouth as if they have.

As she pulls away from Juliet I realize I’m coming undone. But I’m not bothered at all.


	24. Chapter 24

After the play I have more than enough inspiration for a love song. I play it for Abigail and Matthew. When I’m done my friend claps excitedly as Matthew says a simple, “That wasn’t bad.”

I know Abigail really likes him but the more time I spend around him the less I like him. It’s not the exact same but everything about him reminds me of my false friends. The way he interrupts Abigail when she’s talking, like he wasn’t listening and thought up something else he’d rather talk about.

But maybe I’m just being prejudice because of how blasé he acted about my song. I should give him another chance. Give him time to show he’s not a jerk.

We’re talking about families as we get onto the subject of why my parents have our family living in the muggle world.

“That’s just lame,” states Matthew.

He’s no wordsmith but, “They say some wizards can be arrogant towards non magic users. They wanted us to learn that everyone has their good and bad qualities and they each deserve to be treated with respect. Even if my brother and I never developed magic they wanted us to use our talents for good.”

As Abigail says how “cool that is” and Matthew snorts another voice says, “You have a brother? I have three sisters.”

I’m surprised when I realize the person is Karlie. Usually she has such perfect posture, but today her shoulders are hunched forward with exhaustion. When was the last time she slept? Does she ever sleep now?

Before I can say anything in response Matthew lets out a derisive snort before saying, “Why would they care, golden one? You trying to one up her?”

Right after she’s gone, Matthew, who acted like he couldn’t care less about her, asks, “Do you think Karlie actually kissed Juliet? I heard they actually did on stage. Do you think she was the one that Karlie kissed at that party?”

Before I can inform him there was no contact Abigail asks, “What party?”

“Apparently over the summer some seventh years called up Karlie’s part time job to have her deliver. When she arrived there was a girl waiting at the Floo landing and before she knew what was happening the two kissed.”

Abigail’s jaw drops, “No way.”

“That can’t be true,” says Todd, “I heard everyone at that party got hexed to silence.”

He shrugs, “Hexes only last so long. Or maybe she didn’t hex them to silence for herself. The only name I ever hear mentioned from the incident is Karlie. No one knows who the other girl was.”

The world around me is making a buzzing sound as I stare at the table without really seeing it. Before I can fully wrap my mind around everything I’ve heard Abigail pulls me away to, “use the restroom.”

Out in the hall she stops as she spins around to tell me, “Being with Matthew is so great. It’s like every moment I’m breaking down and coming undone, but not in a bad way. It’s a roller coaster kind of rush and I never knew I could feel this much. Taylor, I love him.”

I smile as she takes my hands and we jump around in a circle as we squeal.

“He’s so wild and crazy and just so frustratingly intoxicating. But he’s complicated and simple all at the same time as well. He respects my space and never makes me wait. I know it’s insane but I just know this is love.”

But two days later at two AM Abigail is in my room cursing his name. Through her sobs she tells me how Matthew did nothing more than use and abuse her.

As I hold her close I think of how we all have potential for evil. Regardless of what house we belong to. Our house does not decide our ultimate fate. We do.

“I was so naïve. I got so lost in his eyes,” she cries into her hands, “I never had a chance. I had so many dreams about him and me. But I’m not a princess, this isn’t a fairy tale, I’m not the one he’ll sweep off her feet. There are no happy endings… my mistake, I didn’t know to be in love you have to fight to have the upper hand. Otherwise you just get used. Stupid girl, I should have known. I should have known.”

I hold her close again as we cry together, “You’re going to find someone someday who will actually treat you well and not as an ulterior motive.”

By the time the sun rises my heart is burning with anger. When I tell Todd and the girls they look as angry as I feel as Todd snaps, “That’s not right. When you are fifteen and someone tells you they love you you’re going to believe them. But he just lied. And now he’s going around like nothing happened and Abigail is the one hurting. He should experience some repercussions.”

We go over some plans but nothing seems good enough. I should be better at revenge with how many times I’ve been screwed over, but the only way I’ve ever gotten even was by writing about them. And from Matthew’s reactions to my songs I don’t think my words would ever cut him deep enough.

Before we can come up with anything Todd rushes to our table one day as he says, “Matthew is bald.”

Abigail usually has her head down as she pokes at her food, not paying the world around her any attention, but at this she looks up, “What?”

“Matthew lost his hair. Every single strand. Even his,” Todd drops his eyes to his pants, “He just woke up one morning and it was all gone. The teachers say he was hexed but they can’t do anything to reverse it. Plus, no one knows how long it will last.”

Gertrude lets out an impressed whistle as she says, “If the teachers can’t reverse it, it must be a pretty powerful witch.”

“Or wizard,” adds Zelda.

Todd snorts, “As if a guy would plan such a method of revenge.”

I frown at his word choice, “You think this was revenge?”

“Why not? I doubt Abigail was the first girl he screwed over.”

I watch my friends eyes drop again as Zelda asks, “But why his hair?”

Todd swishes his locks as he dramatically replies, “It was his best feature. Without that he’s just a “but–his-face.”

We laugh as Abigail joins in for a moment with a small chuckle. When she stops we give her concerned looks. She notices as she says, “I wish I knew who did it. I would send them a thank you note.”

“Abigail.”

Todd’s jaw drops and Gertrude pokes her cheek with her fork as we see Matthew standing behind our friend.

He gives her a shy smile as he says, “I’m sorry,”

Does he honestly think she’ll believe him?

Our eyes all shift to Abigail as she looks up at him. There’s a breath’s pause then she replies, “I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it’s too late for you. You can get down on your knees and beg for forgiveness, beg me to come back just like how I wanted, but I’m not going to. I thought you were my prince but I know better now. And it’s too late for you and your white horse to catch me now.”

He looks stunned as if he never believed he’d get such a response.

“Even if I wanted to,” continues Abigail slowly, as a smug smile starts to appear on her lips, “I’m not the one who hexed you so I can’t bring back your hair.”

As soon as she says this Matthew’s look of contrition fades into a look of anger. That face of an angel comes out just when he needs it to. Seeing she has nothing more for him he turns and stomps away.

“I really wish I knew who did it, forget card, I’d send them a bouquet of chocolate frogs.”

At the mention of the treat my eyes wander to the Ravenclaw table. With her time spinner Karlie is the most likely hexer. She’s probably gained even more knowledge than the teacher’s realize.

“But who would be that powerful?” asks Gertrude.

“Karlie Kloss,” states Todd as if there is no other answer.

We all look at him as Abigail asks, “But why would she do it? I doubt someone as smart as her would get played by Matthew.”

“Probably not. But she might do it for the sake of a friend.”

As Todd looks at me I return his arched eyebrow with a confused frown. I turn away when he gives me a knowing grin. As my eyes turn away they catch Karlie as she walks away from her table.

I thought she was distant before but now I only ever seem to see her from across the room. And whenever I do I wish I could feel her by my side, like that time during wizard tag, when it was her and me standing together against the world.

She grabbed my hand and dragged me heard first and I was fearless.


	25. Chapter 25

“I don’t know who I’m going to talk to now at school.”

Abigail and I cry as we hug on our last day of school. Our last hug before she leaves to attend a new school in America.

“I wish your dad hadn’t taken that new job.”

“I do too. You were my best friend. Even when I was wrong you were always on my side.”

I smile as we hug again. Before we can stop we’re both crying again. We squeeze each other so tight I think we might break. I want to tell her so much but I can’t find the words.

How do I say it so she completely understands that she’s been the only bright spot in my life since I started school. But that’s not right. There have been other instances of light. But she was my only constant in the darkness.

I can’t even imagine how long it will be before things feel even slightly okay again.

As we pull apart and I look into her eyes I realize I don’t have to tell her any of it. She already knows. She feels the same way. We told each other everything we felt during our late night secret conversations. We told each other through the way we laughed loudly at each other’s jokes. I showed her by sharing my journal, my deepest darkest secrets, and words I’d never shared with anyone.

But there were some things I held back. Some things I did not tell her, like the inspiration behind my Romeo and Juliet song. Or the reason I wrote a line, “you used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade. But I never said anything and I wish I had.”

If we’d had more time I wonder if I would have. But now our memories are done.

We promise to keep in touch and though no one ever has before she does.

When I get home my parents tell us we’re going on vacation. Usually my family can only afford trips by car or ferry. But this year they saved up enough to fly us to an island. It’ still a muggle vacation but we’ve learned how to have fun without magic.

But not entirely without magic, I realize as I spot the last person I thought I’d ever see in the muggle world: Karlie Kloss.

For a moment I think I’m just seeing things, she doesn’t look herself in a pair of white washed jeans with more rips in the front than jean. Her slender arms are visible, alabaster against the white of her baggy tank top.

An ocean breeze is tossing her caramel hair around her as the sunlight seems to cast a halo around her. But as I watch it’s unmistakable in the way she walks, in the way she moves, in the way her eyes narrow as she stares off at the horizon. This is Karlie. My heart practically screams it as I turn away, afraid she might have heard it. But when I look back she’s gone. My heart lets out another cry but this sound is disappointment.


	26. Chapter 26

Magic is banned in the muggle world, but I take a risk as I mix myself a bravery potion.

The chances of me seeing Karlie again are slim but just in case I need to be prepared. My heart is far too fragile lately to faced her head on without some kind of liquid courage.

It’s only the next day when I see her again.

My parents and brother are off on an excursion I wasn’t in the mood for. I’m standing on the shoreline watching the waves roll in not paying the world around me any mind when I feel a presence beside me. When I turn the sun blinds me before my eyes grow accustom to her form standing beside me like the ethereal being I saw my first day.

“Karlie, is that you?”

She smiles and I know it is. This isn’t a dream. She looks back at the waves and when she does I turn away. My hands are shaking as I struggle getting the cork out of my potion. Once I have I throw it back in one gulp before shoving the empty bottle into my pocket.

As I wait for it to take effect I catch my breath.

“I wouldn’t expect you to vacation somewhere like this.”

“My parents like to do simpler, non-magic things, for our holidays. They say they like a vacation from magic.”

“My parents are the same way.”

Her head turns as she gives me a smile, “I know.”

My heart thrills at the thought that she knows me. Then I realize she’s probably teasing me. Why would someone like her bother learning things about me?

I can feel the potion starting to take effect as I ask, “Where is your family?”

“They took a boat tour around the island. I wasn’t in the mood.”

“My parents are doing a bus tour. I felt the same way.”

My heart skips as she turns to face me. I step back.

“Did you want to go on an adventure with me?”

If not for the potion I would choke and be unable to even move. But I manage a nod before I feel her hand grab mine. As we run I see her smile. Her smile that could light up this whole town. I haven’t seen it in a while, since I can’t recall when. But seeing her smile makes me smile as I start laughing for no reason. I don’t know if she has a reason but she laughs with me. It’s the best sound I’ve ever heard.

We don’t stop running until we leave the beach behind and enter the city. I know I shouldn’t be in the city without my parents, but the potion keeps me by her side as we walk down the streets. In her worn-out jeans I can’t help thinking this is how it always should have been. Us laughing together over stupid things, like monkeys made out of puka shells, or dancing chickens.

Was it always this easy?

And yet we’ve never managed to be together like this.

All this time how could I not have known that I belonged with her. Thinking back I recall how often she tried to take a step towards me, but someone would pull her away or I’d misunderstand. If I had taken her hand when she offered it we could have been like this a long time ago.

“Have you always wanted to sing?”

The question catches me off guard as we stand in front of a nail polish display in a make-up store.

“No. It just sort of happened and now that I’ve done it once,” I smile as I recall the last time I performed, “I know it’s where I belong.”

I see her smile but there’s a strain to it as she says, “I wish I could be that confident about something.”

“What are you talking about? You are Karlie Kloss, you can do anything you want.”

“But what if there’s nothing I want.”

She sets the nail polish she’d been looking at down as she walks away. I set mine down as I follow her out of the store.

“Don’t tell me the great Karlie Kloss doesn’t have any dreams.”

Her smile is strained as she looks back at me, “Not really. When you are good at everything it makes it hard to decide on one thing.”

I laugh at her joke and her smile relaxes slightly, “There has to be something you are passionate about. Something you find yourself thinking about more often than other things.”

Her expression is intense as I end up looking away.

When I look back she’s turned away. Her voice is tight as she says, “Everyone expects one thing or another from me. At the end of the year they told me they hoped I’d live up to my house better next year. But what if I’m not really a Ravenclaw?”

I tell her what I learned back with Abigail, “Our house does not decide our ultimate fate.”

I have the urge to reach out to her as she turns to look at me with her brows knit together in a pitiful expression, “Do you know, I noticed you that first day at the sorting hat ceremony. I’d been worrying the whole time over what house I’d end up in and what it would mean for my future. And then I heard the hate say “you have great potential.” I was a little disappointed when I realized he wasn’t talking about me, but I’ve watched you ever since that day and I’ve seen how perfectly you embody each of those things he said, and more.”

I laugh but she’s serious as she says, “You do. You are brave and you give those around you courage. When your friends would treat you poorly you’d be patient with them. And you were the one that won wizard’s tag.”

“It was you.”

She shakes her head, “You played it safe and bided your time to attack. That was its own kind of cunning. And you are so original. Every time I hear your play, or see you writing in your journal, I am reminded of this.”

Her expression is so tender I feel my cheeks go hot with embarrassment. Before I can make an attempt at complimenting her she takes my hand and pulls down the street. My heart drops when she lets go but then it jumps again as I see her pull her wand from her pocket.

“What are you doing? You can’t use that here.”

Her grin is mischievous as she uses the wand like a key to unlocks a car, “As long as we don’t get caught, what’s the harm?”

If not for the bravery potion I would run. But when she invites me to join her I get into the passenger seat. It’s like I’m with a totally different person as she easily gets the car started with a flick of her wand.

As she puts the car in gear I hear myself ask, “Who are you? This is not the Karlie Kloss I know from school.”

“Who am I? I’m nobody. Who are you? Are you nobody, too?” she smiles and I feel my heart race as she says, “Then there’s a pair of us—don’t tell,” her finger touches her lips as her voice becomes soft, “They’d banish us, you know.”

As she winks I feel my whole body tingle.

I don’t know if it gets better than this. We’re driving down the road and I wonder if she knows that I’m trying so hard not to get caught up.

But as she smiles and laughs I realize I lost the battle the moment our paths first crossed. I’m hopelessly devoted to her and even if it means getting my heart broken I dive in feet first.

She makes me fearless.


	27. Chapter 27

I notice red and blue flashing and turn in my seat to see a police car coming up behind us.

“Uh, Karlie, I think—.”

“Pull over,” commands the car.

My heart is pounding in my chest as I turn to look at her. But Karlie is as cool as ice as she turns to give me her most confident grin. I feel my pulse spike for a different reason before I see her hand lift with wand in hand. There’s a cash of thunder then outside I watch the world around us change as a storm starts to rage around us coming on out of nowhere.

Then I realize, “You did this.”

“Didn’t you know? I’m a storm.”

My head spins, I’m not sure if it’s from her grin or from the wind whipping our car around. Behind us the police car slows down as it gets caught up in a sudden torrential downpour. As Karlie speeds ahead the winds buffeting decreases as soon enough the road ahead of us is clear. With nothing slowing us down we increase the distance between us the cops before we lose them completely.

As soon as we’re in the clear I drop back into my feet as I hold my hand over my pounding heart, “Oh please, let’s not do that again.”

Her smile is soft, sympathetic as she says, “Deal.”

When it starts to drizzle I look at her. She smiles as she gives me a quick wink, “This isn’t me.”

We still have a ways to go before we reach the city on the other side of the island. Turning on the radio we sing our hearts out to the songs.

When Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson starts to play I admit to Karlie, “I’ve never seen hazel eyes before.”

“I have hazel eyes.”

We’re stopped at a stop sign with no other cars around. As I ask if I can see she gives me the go ahead. The car lighting isn’t the greatest with the sky so grey. I lean in closer. Just when I start to make out a deep ocean green something thuds against the glass. I realize the thing was Karlie’s head as she moved to keep as distance between us as I moved halfway across the car in order to come in close enough to see.

I let out an embarrassed sorry as I return to my seat. She manages a nod before putting the car into gear as we move away from the sign. My heart is still pounding when we pull up to a building.

Karlie is out first. I take a moment to catch my breath before getting out.

By this time the rain has stopped leaving a glow on the pavement. Karlie leads the way to the building, which I realize it’s a club as I hear the bass throbbing. Before we can even try to get inside the bouncer stops us.

“There is no way you are twenty-one, don’t even try to play me.”

As Karlie reaches to her pocket with her wand I take her hand in mine as I say, “That’s okay. We’ll do something else.”

She gives me a curious look as I pull her back to the car.

“I could get him to let us inside.”

“I have no doubt. But I’d rather not break anymore laws today.”

As we walk back to the car I have the urge to ask her to dance right there in the middle of the parking lot. She must feel the same way as she uses her wand to play the music in the club from the car’s stereo. As she bounces along to the music I start to laugh as soon enough we’re leaping around the parking lot together, not caring as puddles splash up on our ankles. It’s magical and not just because she uses her wand to make fireworks appear in the darkening sky.

I grab her hand when she tries to shoot off another one, pulling her hand down to my side as I say, “Stop that. You are going to get us caught.”

In the light of the burst of color I think again how otherworldly she looks. She can’t be real, but if she is real, if this moment is not a dream, I pray it goes on forever.

Whenever she looks at me is she taking this moment, capturing it, remembering it. Because I can’t stop. I don’t want to miss a single thing. Don’t want to forget how she looks as she smiles at me. How her hair floats around her like angels wings. How my hands shake but she pulls me in and I’m a little more brave.

The music picks up as a new song begins. I’m not listening to the lyrics as Karlie takes my hands and we start bouncing. As her hair flies around her she reaches up to run her hands through her hair absent mindedly making me want her.

It’s only when I think this I register the lyrics, “she likes girls. I think she likes girls.”

My heart stalls as I pull back severing our connection.

Karlie turns down the music as she asks, “Is everything okay?”

I’m not usually this way but something about this moment, about being here alone with her, about the potion running through me, is making everything different. Everything strange.

I can’t even look at her. Every time I try it feels like my heart is going to explode.

If she knows the reason I grow quiet she doesn’t say anything as we get back into the car. Again I feel a strange urge as I want to tell her to drive slow. Because more than anything I just want to stay right here in this passenger’s seat with her next to me.

What is wrong with me?

I must have made the potion wrong.


	28. Chapter 28

Last night had to be a fluke. A wrong mixture of ingredients. I made the potion wrong and it made me feel things. Strange things. Things that now that it’s worn off make no sense.

But today things will be different. I’m making doubly sure I do things right. Not that it matters. Karlie told me yesterday her and her family will be on the other side of the island for the rest of their trip.

While my family is walking ahead of me through the city I spot her down an alley. I do one of those double takes but there she is walking with a look like she has somewhere to be. I feel my heart ache with the wish that the somewhere was me.

Must still be feeling the effects of that bad bravery potion. I take out my new bravery potion, taking a swig, before giving my parents an excuse as I head down after her.

By the time I reach the spot she’s already gone. I spin around as I feel my heart panic with the thought, “You missed her.”

Just as I’m about to stop spinning my eyes brush across a wide smile. I stop.

I’ve learned that looks can be deceiving, but I know I see a light in her when our eyes meet.

“I was wondering when you would wake up and find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time.”

She laughs and I feel my shiver with the thought. Then she smiles as if she doesn’t know what her words are doing to me. Like she doesn’t know she’s perfect.

I mixed the potion wrong again. It’s the only explanation. Far too much adrenaline is running through me, that’s why my hands are shaking. That’s why my pulse quickens when she steps close and breathes the words, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

And that’s why when I look into her eyes I hear them telling me, “If you could see that I’m the one who understands you. Been here all along. Why can’t you see? You belong with me.”

I stumble back two steps and she smiles as if enjoying the sight of me having a panic attack.

Why am I being like this? Why do I suddenly wish that she would pull me near and feel the magic I’ve been feeling since the first moment we met.

It’s only now that I realize for me it’s never been anyone else. No matter who my friends were I always wished they were her. I can’t help it. She’s like an angel and I’m ready to fall with her.

As we walk we start talking but I don’t say half the things I want to. Being with her I almost start believing I don’t have to be alone. But I know when school starts again I’ll wander the halls like a phantom unseen by all.

I let her do most of the talking as I’m eager to learn more about her. I only ask questions to keep her going, like when I ask, “Why don’t I see you with Chamomile anymore?”

Her expression is sad but not regretful, “I was always alone with them. It took me too long to realize that I was always playing different roles but I never was myself. That’s why I was lonely-the person everyone was with wasn’t even me.”

I would never expect to have this in common with Karlie.

“Plus, they were only friends with me because of what they’d get out of it. They saw me as someone with great potential who they could ride the coat tails of.”

I remember Yumi and her only reason for befriending me being her assumption that I could connect her with Karlie.

“I never realized how much we have in common.”

She smiles seeming amused at the thought, “But there are some things we don’t,” my heart aches at the thought, “Like how I was too insecure to break things off because of how afraid I was to be alone. But you were never afraid.”

“That’s not true. I hated the thought of being alone.”

“But it didn’t stop you from cutting ties. You are the bravest person I know, Taylor Swift.”

Hearing her say my full name makes a mixture of emotions flutter through me like butterflies.

The more time we spend together the more I notice the way she walks, the way she talks, the way she says my name—it’s beautiful, wonderful, I don’t want it to change. But people always leave. Even when I think we should stay the same.

She laughs freely like she doesn’t have a care in the world and I think I’ve never seen anyone shine as bright as she does. But I know better now. I’ve seen the break in her smile. Seen the sadness in her eyes.

“Everyone else in Ravenclaw has already planned what they’re going to do after Hogwarts. I don’t have a clue.”

“What about your charity work?”

She shrugs, “I like it, but is that all I can do. Is there something more that gets me up in the morning?”

I know I should be listening but all I can think is how I like the way she sounds in the morning. Her voice is soft but still has the tightness to it from the disuse through the night. Then she laughs and without warning I realize it’s the best sound I’ve ever heard.

“Why did you want to become a wizard?”

Her words bring me back as I say, “I wanted to use magic. It was as simple as that. I thought it would get me friends. But I see now that was wrong. The things I do shouldn’t be about impressing people is should be about making myself happy. And if other people are made happy from the things I do that’s a bonus.”

“Like how your music makes people happy by showing they are not alone in their feelings. Like a little taste of heaven.”

She does another one of her quick smiles and I realize it’s not because she’s some serious sophisticate, she’s shy. She’s not confident. While she seems mature, smart, and unfazed by others words inside she’s a complete mess. I was like that but I learned to put that anxiety and adrenaline into the words in my journal. Into my songs. But maybe that’s what her charity work was, her way of channeling those feelings into something productive.

“People think I always know what I’m going but half the time I don’t have a clue. Most of the things I do are just to distract me from that fact. To keep me from freaking out and completely breaking down. To my family I’m this outgoing goofball and to my classmates I’m a reserved genius. But to myself I’m just a big mess.”

I touch her arm making her look at me as I say, “A mess is a group of great ideas arranged in the wrong order. You just have to figure out the order and I know you will. You are someone who puts everyone else’s needs or wants before you won and that is incredible. The world needs more people like you. You are so giving and warm.”

Her smile is extra bright as if I’ve just shared something with her she’s always wanted, “You think all that about me?”

I nod, “I do.”

She looks like she might cry so I take her hands as I pull her into a store where we dance like we are in a nightclub in the middle of the aisle to the store’s music. She throws back her head at one point and laughs so loudly a store clerk notices and we get chased out. We laugh the whole way out as we hold each other’s hands.

I don’t tell anyone but I spend the rest of my vacation with her.

I could tell someone but just for those days I want her to be mine alone. Not Karlie Kloss the golden one. Not Karlie Kloss Ravenclaw head girl. But Karlie Kloss my…mine.


	29. Chapter 29

I expect things to be different when I head into sixth year. I’d ready for things to be different.

Okay, not ready. But I tell myself over and again that when Karlie and I parted ways over the summer things were done. When school starts she will go back to her world and I will go back to mine. But for a brief summer we let each other into our worlds and for those brief moments it was something wonderful.

That’s how I expect things to play out when I sit on the train. Todd and the girls join me for a bit as we catch up on our summers. When we are done they invite me to the Slytherin car. But my mind isn’t on socializing as I let them go without me.

My body is on the train but my mind is back on that last night together when we said goodbye and there was a hope in my heart that it wouldn’t be the end. The twinkle in her eye let me believe it could be true. That we could be together.

In the middle of the night when I’d dream it was like a million little stars spelling out her name.

But now I’m sitting here without her and I don’t know what to do with myself. I won’t wait here all day. But only because I know she’s not coming.

I grab my journal as I start to write out the mixture of emotions.

“I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re ‘bout to cry.”

“Is that about me?”

I startle as I find Karlie sitting beside me. I didn’t even notice her come in. I hide my journal as I ask, “What are you doing here?”

“I said goodbye but I didn’t mean it forever.”

I realize I’m staring as she says, “Taylor.”

I shake away the daze, “Yeah?”

She smiles for a moment before admitting, “Nothing. I just wanted to say your name.”

I start to laugh and she joins me as I call her a “dork.”

We spend the rest of the trip talking about everything and nothing. Again I expect things to end as soon as we step off the train but once we’re in the dining hall I find her on the seat beside me. The whole rest of the night we talk like I did that first day with Abigail. It’s not like Karlie is replacing my friend.

Things are different with her.

When I open my books in class I’m surprised each time to find a note from her, “Good luck.”

“I miss you.”

“See you after class.”

On days when the sky is grey and I’m feeling down because of messing up in class it’s like she just knows without me saying anything as she shows up with a bouquet of daisies.

When we’re alone in my room studying she’ll jump off the bed and declare it time for a quick, “Dance break.” Then she’ll put on a song she’ll make me join her in dancing to. My heart freaks out each time her arm wraps around my waist as she pulls me close. Then she’ll say with a twinkle in her eye, “this song is dedicated to Taylor, my favorite Hufflepuff.”

And though I laugh like I think she’s just being a big goof, deep down I find myself wishing there was something more to it.

One day I open my door to find her on the other side holding picnic blanket.

“I need to take a break from studying,” says Karlie as she lifts the basket, “I need you to come with me. Say you will.”

My heart flutters at the pleading in her voice and the expectance in her eyes. I would drop everything and run to her if she just asked. But she doesn’t abuse her power over me as she always makes sure I take plenty of time to stay on top of my homework.

But when I need it she’s there to take me out on a mini adventure. One day we go to the dark woods where she keeps stealing glances back at me.

“What?”

She gives me a look like she can’t believe I’m asking her, “Don’t you notice?”

“Notice what?”

She dramatically motions to her outfit before saying, “I wore your favorite color just so I could match your eyes.”

I laugh at her joke, “You always wear that. It’s your uniform.”

“But it does match your eyes. You can’t deny me that.”

I laugh as I agree.

I’m not the only one who notices how different things are compared to my relationship with Abigail. Whenever he sees my notes from Karlie Todd says, “Is that another note from Karlie?” as if he doesn’t know, then he starts to hum That’s how you know from the movie Enchanted.

But my friends aren’t the only ones. When Karlie and I walk down the halls together I notice our classmates eyes as they go down to our clasped hands.

The first time it happens I start to pull away as I feel myself needing a new dose of bravery. But Karlie don’t let me as she leans close to whisper,” Let them talk. We spend too much time worrying about other’s opinions we forget to live.”

I relax but the whole act of being with Karlie for more than a minute at a time makes my heart race and my palms sweat. Before we meet up I take a bravery potion. My cloak is filled with extra doses for when she comes over unexpectedly to whisk me off on another adventure. Or for the times we spend the whole day together and I feel the effects of the potion wearing off.

With my heart calmed we sit on the Slytherin common room sofa together, with her legs propped up on mine. Todd and the girls talk with her about various things as I just sit there listening with a smile on my face, glad to see my old friends are getting along with my new friend.

At one point she turns and looks at me, a look in her eyes like she expects me to agree with her. Her eyes hit me like an ocean wave after the storm. While her face remains soft like a warm summer.

“Taylor,” she reaches up as her fingers graze the skin of my cheek like a breath. The whole area tingles as I shift nervously under her.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Todd asked if I could help you guys with your nonverbal magic. Did you want to join us?”

She gives us some tips as we start to work on utilizing her tricks. As we do Karlie shows off as she makes a rose appear in her hand. I’m a little annoyed but can’t help but smile when she presents it to me. Just as I start to take it she reaches up to tuck it behind my ear.

“Gorgeous.”

I feel my heart flutter. Off to my side I notice Todd and the girls exchange looks as they grin. But when I look back to Karlie I completely forget about them as I lose myself in her smile.

How did I ever manage to breath before this moment? Suddenly it feels like there is more air as I take in a deep breath, letting her scent fill my lungs.

When she reaches up to comb her fingers through her hair I find myself wishing she was running her fingers through my hair. My scalp tingles at the thought as I quickly look away before anyone notices my face reddening.

I need to find out what I’m doing wrong with my bravery potion.

At night I lay in bed wishing that the day wasn’t over, or that morning would come faster so I can see her again. On night’s when my roommates are sleeping over with their friends my wish is granted as I hear a light knock on my window.

I smile as I unlatch the lock to let Karlie float inside on her broom stick.

“You are going to get caught one of these days.”

“Not if you stop closing your window.”

I laugh.

She joins me on the bed as we sit in front of each other with our legs crossed as she helps me practice.

“Focus. Your problem is you let your mind wander.”

I can’t help it. Especially when her hand touches mine. Does she know how high my heart jumps every time she does?

At one point when she puts her hand on mine to help me get the hand movements right I accidentally produce a rain cloud instead of a smoke cloud. As thunder rumbles and rains starts to fall I watch her laugh. Even as the rain starts to soak her through she only laughs more. With the bravery potion creating strange thoughts in my mind, I find myself having more strange thoughts and urges, like the urge to kiss her in the rain.

I ignore the feeling as I join her in opening my mouth and letting the rain dance across my tongue.

“It tastes like rose water.”

As she smiles at me her eyes seem to glow radiantly in the moonlight. And I can’t take my eyes of her.

I’m just another wide eyed girl whose desperately in love.


	30. Chapter 30

Music is coming through Karlie’s door the next day. As I enter the bedroom I am assaulted by the image of her dancing to a Britney Spears play list.

“I think I did it again. I made you believe we’re more than just friends. It might seem like a crush but it doesn’t mean that I’m serious.”

The words seem to slap me across the face as I watch her dance to the songs choreography.

Forcing myself to ignore all that I tell her, “Wow, you are really good.”

She smiles as she breaks off from the dance routine to perform a pirouette, “Thanks, I took ballet for a few years.”

“No wonder you are so graceful.”

I came to study but I almost forget that as the song suddenly shifts to a rendition of Slave. Her movements become more sensual as she moves along with the lyrics, I’m a slave for you, I cannot hold it. I cannot control it. I’m a salve for you. I won’t deny it. I won’t try to hide it.”

My head quickly turns away as she drops with the beat as my pulse sky rockets. When I look back I find she’s moved closer. When she’s close enough she lops her arms over my shoulders, crossing her arms at the wrists behind my head like some kind of human necklace. She continues to move along with the beat and I don’t do anything to stop her as she starts to sing along with the third song, “I see you looking at me like I’m some of freak… Why don’t you do something? I see you lookin’ at me like I’ve got what you need…why don’t you do something?”

Her intense gazed coupled with the wicked way her lips curve casts me further into her spell as I realize I can’t move. I should say something, but my mouth can’t remember how to move.

To remember I watch Karlie’s but that only makes me forget more as she starts to mime the lyrics to Circus, “I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins, spotlight on me and I’m ready to break…the dance floor is my stage better be ready, hope ya feel the same…don’t stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do.”

I manage to turn away as I will the music to stop. My nonverbal practicing pays off as the room goes silent.

As Karlie’s arms fall off my shoulders I find they feel strangely heavier, “What gives?” I watch as she reaches up to brush her hair back as it sticks to her glistening neck.

I should have left the music on.

She lets out a deep sigh, “You’re right. You didn’t come here to play.”

She turns away as she picks up a towel, missing my wince as I feel myself wishing that I had come to play. As she wipes the towel across her chest and neck I feel a strange envy towards the object.

“Where did we leave off yesterday?” She leaps back onto her bed as I watch her bounce for a moment.

I try to remember but find I can’t. Everything that has just happened has left nothing in my brain except for my name. My name…shoot, what’s my name?

“Taylor?”

Oh, that’s it.

Karlie is looking at me, her head tilting slightly in a cute manner. Does she know she’s adorable, like a beautiful kitten?

I could tell her but then she’d wonder why I’ve been comparing her to animals.

“Taylor?”

This time I remember enough to say, “Sorry. I don’t remember where we left off.”

She laughs. The sound makes my heart swell with joy. Like the time my family went to the fair and let me pick out the largest cotton candy.

I wonder if she tastes as sweet?

“Taylor, are you okay?”

Of course she would notice the redness in my face. Karlie isn’t dumb. No, she’s perfect in every way.

I should just stop making my own bravery potions. I’m obviously doing something wrong. Maybe I’m using expired mugwort.

I just manage to put the strange feelings aside as I sit down beside her as she begins the lesson. But I only manage for that long. When I try to summon an orb of light instead of making an orb I make a heart shaped ball of light. Karlie doesn’t comment on it as she praises me. The next nonverbal command produces a flower crown on Karlie’s head. She smiles as she takes it off to inspect it.

“Nice.”

“I was trying to summon a bell.”

“Bell. Ring of flowers. I can see the connection.”

I frown as she laughs. But inside my heart swells with the sound. I shouldn’t let it. Letting my heart react to Karlie is a dangerous thing. But I’ve been treading in these waters for far too long. If I’m not careful I’ll end up sinking and drowning and dying. And yet I remain.


	31. Chapter 31

Karlie and I are hanging out in my room when I realize I haven’t taken my potion. As I turn to grab it from my drawer I hear her say, “Don’t.”

“What?”

I turn back at the sound of her soft reply, “You don’t have to keep taking that, do you?”

My hand freezes above the potion as I realize, she knows.

“How long?”

She looks pained as she says, “I smelled it on your breath back in the summer. And I’ve smelled it ever since.”

I should have known she would know. We did a test back in fourth year where we had to identify potions by sent. Though we were in different classes the teacher bragged that she had been the only one in the history of the test to get a perfect score.

“I’m sorry, Karlie. I just…I don’t always know how to act around you.”

I don’t tell her how she makes me nervous. How I can’t keep my thoughts straight when she’s around. Or how I think about her all the time so that when we are together it makes me all the more nervous as I don’t know what to say.

I never had a problem like this with Abigail. If anything it reminds me of when I had a crush on Jacob and was always stumbling over my words whenever I tried to talk to him.

“You don’t need it, Taylor. You are the bravest person I know,” I start to laugh but stop when I see how serious she looks, “You aren’t afraid to be alone. And you know what you want to do and aren’t afraid to pursue it. But I don’t even have a clue and am too afraid to tell anyone I’m lost for what to do tomorrow.”

“But you can do anything. I only just managed to find my dream. If I hadn’t I would be as lost as you.”

She shakes her head, “You’re never lost for what to do, Taylor. You always know exactly the right thing. You might hesitate to do it but deep down you always know.”

I want to argue with her, to say that I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. Especially when it comes to things involving her. Instead we both grow silent as we try to lose ourselves in homework.

The next time I see Karlie my hand automatically goes to the pocket of my robes. It’s only when I find it empty that I remember my promise not to use it anymore. I’m just going to figure how to do this without magic.

I saw her across the courtyard but when I turn back I find her directly behind me, her lips a breath from mine. I manage not to collapse right there as I pull back.

Is she doing this on purpose because she knows I have problems with my heart erupting into fits whenever she’s around.

Before I can take another step back she wraps her arms around me as I find myself in a hug with her. For a moment I consider pulling away but in the end I let it happen as I feel myself relax into her arms. Not just because I sense she needs it but because I want it as well.

After that we walk down the halls holding hands. My heart is still pounding but I bear it even when I struggle to breath as I feel her fingers pull away from mine as we split up for our classes. When I come out of divination she’s waiting as she says, “Let’s skip.”

Before I can say anything she takes my hand and we are off. My heart is pounding but I realize I don’t need a potion to follow her. Just having her with me is tonic enough, she makes me fearless.

We sit in our dark hallway, knees touching, as we sit crossed legged. For a time we just sit in silence enjoying each other’s presence. Then she tells me, “I used to be so afraid of what people thought of me. But the more I thought of you the braver I became. You are the reason I was able to let go and stop caring about what other people thought.”

“Why would I inspire you?”

She smiles, “Why wouldn’t you?” Her eyes drop in a shy expression and I feel my heart pounding in my throat.

At lunch that day the post arrives with a package from my parents. I smile as I open the box to find my favorite cake inside.

“What’s the special occasion?” asks Todd.

“It’s for my birthday.”

“Oh,” exclaims Gertrude and Zelda together, “Happy birthday.”

“Shoot,” we all look up as Karlie stands above us with a wide grin, “I should have coordinated with your mom.” She sets a box on the table and when I open it I find it to be a second cake. My favorite one from a bakery near our home, “I heard it was your favorite.”

My eyes lift as I give her a complete look of wonder, “How did you know?”

She grins as she gives me a wink, “I told you I’ve been paying attention.”

Back in the Slytherin common room we enjoy the cake. Karlie is wearing a fluffy light yellow jumper her mom sent her for the holiday. She looks just like a baby chick. When the cake is done we squeeze into a chair together as Todd tells a story about his latest crush from the Quidditch team, “Lucas is the best seeker because he—.”

I lose track of the conversation as become engrossed in petting the fluff on Karlie’s sweater. It’s so soft and warm I wonder what it would feel like against my cheek.

My eyes are fixed on her sleeve as I play with the raised threads when I realize it’s moving. I feel Karlie’s arm slide around my waist as next thing I know I’m pressed up against her, my cheek pressed against her shoulder as she links her hands together around me. I know I should pull away but I don’t, feeling like a touch starved person as I close my eyes and melt into her.

It’s my best birthday in a long time.


	32. Chapter 32

Summer before seventh year Karlie invites me on a road trip around Europe.

I’m excited and scared all at the same time. It’s only when I head out the front door of my house and see her leaned against the side of her car that I realize: I’m not ready for this.

Her head is turned away as she stares off into the distance. Her hands are in the pockets of her pants. One of her legs is bent as she rests her foot against the car door. She looks like a magazine ad. The kind you hand on your wall and obsess over every time your eyes run across it. The one you purposefully search for at night before you go to sleep in hopes that seeing it will allow you to dream about her.

I realize I haven’t moved from the doorway as she turns, flashing me with that smile of hers, before pushing away from the car.

“Need help with your bags?”

She makes it to me in three long strides. As she reaches out for the bag our hands brush. I pull away but she doesn’t notice how while my pulse spikes. She turns, heading back to the car, with the bad effortlessly swung over her shoulder. I wonder if she could lift me that effortlessly.

When I’m in the car she tells me, “You are in charge of music. I trust you not to play anything too weird,” she winks and I completely forget what I’m doing as I just stare. On her side of the car she’s cool and collected like she’s done this a thousand times: making a girl confused and excited all at the same time.

When I can think again I consider my playlists. It takes me several scrolls throughs to decide. I want something upbeat, nothing dark and moody, I don’t want to mess with our light mood. I’m sure I will ruin that all on my own with my awkwardness. For a moment I consider one of my playlists of love songs, but just thinking about playing those while sitting in the car with Karlie makes my face heat with embarrassment.

Would she take it the wrong way? Why would she?

I settle on my Disney playlist.

As soon as Part of your World starts to play I see her light up. We’re both belting out the tune, even saying the speaking lines along with Ariel, as we quote every word perfectly. By the third song on the playlist I realize I’ve found someone who knows as many lyrics and songs as me.

“What was your favorite Disney movie growing up?”

Her nose crinkles as she says, “Oh, don’t make me choose. But, okay, if I have to…” she laughs, leaning forward so her chin rests on the steering wheel, “No, I can’t do it. They are all so good.” Her eyes dart to me as she leans back, “What about you?”

“I love all the princess movies. But my all-time favorite is Cinderella.”

“Have you seen the sequels? I love the third one because she gets the prince even without magic and that’s just really cool.”

I smile as I recall how little I liked it the first time I saw it. To me magic was always so important to life. But now, now I feel I’ve find something even better than magic.

When “Whole New World” comes on I sing Jasmine’s part as Karlie takes Aladdin. It actually feels like we’re flying. Then I realize we are as a goose flies past our window.

“Karlie, you can’t do this. What if we get caught?”

She just laughs and something about her carefree manner makes my fears melt away as I lose myself in the song. Karlie even does the hand motions as she motions to the cloud around us, “No one to tell us no, or where to go, or that we’re only dreaming.”

My heart jumps as she makes the car do a flip. I cover my eyes but she grips my wrists as she pulls them away, “Don’t you dare close your eyes.”

We both get lost in laughter before we come back again as our voices mix with those on the radio. My heart is pounding by the time the song ends. I’m sure it’s from Karlie’s steering but when she looks at me at the end like Aladdin does with Jasmine I find myself growing unsure.

Then “I see the Light” comes on and it’s like we are there in the boat with the lights floating around us. Just like in the song we move closer as our hands clasp. I don’t even think about how her hands should be steering the car. Being here like this everything feels perfect. Right.

“And at last I see the light. And it’s like the sky is new. And it’s warm and real and bright…now that I see you.”

Karlie smiles as she starts singing Eugene’s part, “All that time never truly seeing things, the way they were. Now she’s here shining in the starlight, now she’s here suddenly I know if she’s here it’s crystal clear. I’m were I’m meant to go.”

We hold each other’s hands through the chorus and it’s only when the song ends and she returns her hands to the wheel that my heart drops from the place it had risen during the song. I try not to think about it but with each new song that plays my eyes keep going back to her. She doesn’t hold my hands again, keeping her hands on the wheel and her eyes on the road. But she continues to sing with me, songs like “Once upon a Dream,” and “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.” And all I can think of is how I’ve always thought of Karlie as a dream come to life. How can anyone like her actually exist? And even more unbelievable is that she’s here with me. Is this how the princess’ felt when they met their prince’s, like they had stumbled into something unexpected and magical.

I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest and am relieved when we take a break in Italy to get some spaghetti. I look away for a moment and when I look back Karlie is pushing a meatball towards me with her nose. I laugh as she smiles at me with spaghetti sauce on her nose.

Time stops for us as I stare into her eyes. Nothing else matters except this moment. Just the two of us. Not the upcoming years. Not worries about what I’ll do when I graduate. Here with Karlie all those other things just fade away.

As she wipes her nose with a napkin she tells me, “You know, I didn’t realize till we were listening to it, but in the Lady and the Tramp song they say beautiful night twice.”

I think it over as my eyes widen as I realize it as well, “They do. They say it once in English, it’s a beautiful night, then they say in Italian bella note, which is the same. Wow. You realize a lot of funny things about your favorite cartoons when you get older.”

She nods, smiling at the wonder I’m experiencing at this mini revelation.

When we get back into the car my songs go back to trying to kill me as “Can you feel the love tonight” starts to play. I try to sing along, but my throat grows tight and before long Karlie is the only one singing as I stare out the window. When it gets to the chorus Karlie doesn’t care at all as she starts to belt it out off-key, “Can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It’s enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far. And can you feel the love tonight? How it’s laid to rest. It’s enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best.”

She finds me staring as she looks over, “What?”

“I never realized those were the lyrics.”

She laughs, “I guess I’m the bigger Disney aficionado then?”

I laugh with her, “Guess so.”

Things relax a little for me after that but when Mulan’s Reflections starts playing I’m overcome again. This time because I know exactly what she’s singing about.

“I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart and what I believe in. But somehow I will show the world what’s inside my heart and be loved for who I am.”

Who am I really? When will the person I’m supposed to be appear? What even will she look like? Act like? Who will she…love?

My eyes go to Karlie without my permission just as “Won’t Say I’m in love” comes on.

What is the matter with me? Why am I acting like this? I’ve been hurt so many times and if there is a prize for rotten judgment I’ve already won that. But when I’m with Karlie I forget all that. She erases my past pains more than anyone else has before. Not my parents. No my friends. No even Abigail. With her I feel brand new.

I turn away.

“Get a grip, girl. Unless you’re dying to cry your heart out.”

Karlie leans in as she sings the muses part, “Girl you can’t deny it. Who you are is how you’re feeling…when you gonna own up you got it bad?”

She grins and I feel my heart come to a complete stop as I start to realize something I’ve known for a while now. Something I wouldn’t let myself consider.

“At least out loud I won’t say I’m in love.”


	33. Chapter 33

We’re looking for a hotel when the song “When she loved me” comes on. I feel my heart clench at the words as I realize that even though I’ve realized my true feelings nothing has changed.

Eventually, “she began to drift away. I was left alone. Still I waited for the day when she’d say I will always love you.”

But that day may never come. My eyes sting as I look out the window. The day will come when school is over and we part ways, like I did with Abigail. But now that I know it will hurt so much. I wish I’d never realized. I wish I’d never known. That I had gone on in complete ignorance.

I sneak a glance and when I do I notice that Karlie isn’t singing. Light glistens on her face and I realize a tear is streaming down her cheek.

I forget everything I’ve been feeling as I move closer to comfort her, “Karlie, what’s wrong?”

She wipes at her face as she says, “Oh, I just…that song always gets me. The thought of someone you once cared for moving on without you.”

I want her to be thinking about me but I don’t know why she would. We’ll both leave school and grow distant and before we know it we won’t even be able to recognize each other. I wish it wouldn’t be the case but I know it will be.

That night we lay in bed without even trying to chit chat, both of us lost in our own thoughts as we fade off into our own worrisome dreams.

I spend most of the night tossing in turning. In the morning I’m a mess, but Karlie is wearing her brightest smile as she jumps into the driver’s seat. Our road trip is only for two days and one night as my parents want me back for our family vacation.

At one point “Kiss the girl” comes on and while Karlie belts out the Shalalas my throat is too tight to sing.

“You okay, you coming down with something?”

She touches my forehead with the back of her hand. If she were looking at me and not the road she’d see how miserable feeling her skin against mine makes me.

“Yes, you want her. Look at her, you know you do. It’s possible she wants you too.”

I suppress a snort. As if Karlie Kloss would want me.

There’s one way to ask her,” my ears perk up as I completely forget what song we’re listening to, “It don’t take a word, not a single word. Go on and kiss the girl, kiss the girl.”

My heart flutters as my eyes leap to Karlie’s face, focusing in her mouth as it moves along with the words. There’s no way. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.

“Looks like the boy’s too shy. Ain’t gonna kiss the girl.”

You’re damn right I’m not going to. What would she think if I even tried?

“Ew, gross. What do you think you’re doing?”

That’s what she’d think.

But weren’t there rumors around the school that she’s kissed a girl before?

Yes, and there were rumors that I write hexes in my journal. Neither of them are true.

My mind goes back to the summer with Floo game. I know for sure now it wasn’t Jacob I kissed. Lips so soft I regretted the feeling of them pulling away. Could it…no. No!

“You’re gonna miss the girl,” Karlie leans over as she wiggles her eyebrows at me, “Go on and kiss the girl, kiss the girl. Now’s your moment.”

She laughs and I feel like she’s laughing at me. Does she know what I’m going through right now? Having a crush on a classmate is one thing. But having a crush on your best friend—that’s just begging for awkward moments and losing everything you hold dear. And Karlie is someone I hold dear. Someone I want to hold.

No. Stop it. Don’t think like that. We’re just friends. We’re just friends.

But I friend wouldn’t be staring at their friends lips and wondering what they feel like. What they taste like.

What was it Todd said about Karlie and kissing a girl? Or was it Matthew? Something about her being caught in the seventh years plot to embarrass her. Was it on a separate occasion or was she the one…?

I can’t even look at her the rest of the trip so I keep my eyes firmly fixed on the horizon. If Karlie notices she doesn’t let on as she belts out each and every song that comes on. I remain quiet the rest of the trip.

When we get back to my house fun Karlie disappears as soon as she sets my bag on the ground.

“Taylor, I don’t know how to say this. I was going to tell you last night but I didn’t want to ruin our trip.”

My mind races with a thousand things she could say, “I know about your feelings for me Taylor and I find it gross and disgusting. I never want to see you again.”

“This was all a huge joke but now I’m tired of you and this and I’m leaving. I hope you die alone.”

Instead she says something far worse, “I’m not going to Hogwarts this year.”

My blood goes cold as I feel a thousand more thoughts go through my mind, the loudest thought being, “I should have kissed her. Now I’ve missed the girl.”

“What do you mean?”

She won’t look at me as she keeps her face turned away, “I’m sure you’ve heard about the New Death Eaters movement.”

I had heard but I had ignored it since it wasn’t affecting me. Apparently some youths, dissatisfied with life, or just wanting to cause trouble, started a new order in honor of the Dark Lord. The whole thing makes me sick but I hadn’t given it any more thought.

I never realized it would actually affect me.

“The Ministry of Magic is growing concerned with the rising threat and asked a select number of students of the age of recruitment to join a secret army to infiltrate and bring down the group.” I can tell she is torn as she faces me. Her hand reaches out but I move back. I can tell I’ve hurt her as I watch her hand drop limply to her side, “You know I want to find my place in this world, I want to do some good. I thought this could help me.”

I want to tell her, “Your place is with me.” But I know that would be selfish. The world needs people like Karlie, I’ve thought that before. But now that it’s taking her from me I find myself getting angry.

“Fine. Then go. Leave,” I’m so mad I almost tell her it’s over, but if she looked closer she would see I want her to stay.

“Taylor, I know this is hard, but I have to do this.”

“I said it’s fine. Go.” But what I want to say is don’t leave me. I love you. But like a fool I hold my pride as I turn away. Behind me she calls out, begging me to come back.

“Let’s talk about this.”

It’s for the best. She’ll never care for me the way I want. It’s better she goes before I make it worse for myself. Before I fall even more in love with her.

I pause at my door, waiting, wishing that she would grab my arm and pull me back to her. Why can’t she see that all I want is for her to chase me?

I know the reason. She doesn’t love me.

At the door I give her one last look before I close it. Once I’m on the other side I regret everything as I rest my forehead against the wood. And I wait. Wait for her to come back as I realize everything I’ve ever needed is on the other side of the door.

Throw rocks at my window and scream, “I’m in love with you.”

Instead I hear her car’s engine as she pulls away.

Don’t leave.

I sink to the ground as I cry. Alone again with nothing but photographs and regrets.

After everything I said the only thing I didn’t say, the thing I must confess is: I need her.

Why doesn’t she need me?


	34. Chapter 34

After that Karlie calls me every day but I don’t pick up. I can’t. I know the moment I hear her voice I’ll break down and beg her not to go. But this really is for the best.

Or so I keep telling myself.

Each time I start to pick up but in the end I leave the phone unanswered.

I can still hear the slamming door, can still see her standing there pain in her eyes as she watched me walk away. Did I misread everything? Did I see more affection for me than there actually was?

I’m being childish. Selfish. But all I want each time I open the door is to find her waiting on the other side. Standing in the pouring rain with a bouquet of flowers as she declares she never wants to leave my side. That she never will for the rest of our lives.

But she’s never there and when I step onto the train for our first day of seventh year I finally realize she’s not coming.

I’m alone again.

It’s the ending you don’t want to see. It’s a tragedy and it’ll only bring you down.

When things end it’s never simple, never easy. Never comes with a clean break and there is never anyone there to save me.

I don’t know what to be without her around.

Todd and the girls try to perk me up when they notice my morose spirit.

“We heard Karlie got into that special program at the Ministry of Magic. But it’s not all bad, you can still message her.”

When I finally tried it was too late. Her mother informed me she was not allowed any contact with the outside world. From the way her mom talked about it I suspect I’m the only one Karlie told about her actual reason for going silent. She probably wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Only now do I realize how much she put on the line for me and I just walked away.

Now I see her face in my mind as she drove away. Were there tears in her eyes? I always imagine them.

Neither of us thought it would end this way. But I’m the one who ultimately broke things this time. And I never learned how to fix things.

She was the only one who knew me like the back of her hand. And I realized too late that I can’t breathe with her. But I have to.

I never wanted this. Never wanted to see her hurt. Especially not by me. But people are people, and sometimes we change our minds and make the wrong choices. And now it’s killing me to realize she’s gone after all this time.

I just lost my friend. But I hope she knows it’s not easy for me to know that. And the thing that keeps me up at night is the fear that nothing I say will ever save us from the fall out.

But I know I have to move on. I pour myself into my music as my grades slip. My teachers are worried but when I perform at Hogsmeade, pouring out all the words I should have said but didn’t, I start to feel again.

At one of my concerts Mrs. Howards the enchantments teachers hears me. Afterwards she asks if I’d be willing to play at a benefit concert.

“We are raising money to repair that hospital the New Death Eaters blew up.”

Karlie wanted to make the world a better place and I realize with this offer that I can help her.

“Yes. I’ll play.”

Mrs. Howards makes sure I’m excused from several of my classes as I devote that time to getting ready for the benefit. After that I get more invitations as the crowds respond well to my words.

“You capture exactly how I feel in the most magical way. I know there is no magic involved at all but it feels like it.”

The New Death Eaters have branched out to all the magical community so before long I’m doing benefit concerts in other parts of the country, France, Germany, after a long flight I find myself in America. It’s after a concert when I see a familiar red head running towards me.

I smile as Abigail runs into my arms as we hug like no time has passed.

“I knew it was you. I was all the way in the nosebleeds but as soon as I heard you sing that first chord I just knew it was you. See, I told you you would do great things. And look at you now.”

We catch up as she asks me about Todd and the girls. Eventually the topic of what I’ve been up to comes up as I tell her about Karlie. She notices how strained my voice is as she eventually asks, “What happened?”

I know Todd suspects something happened and he’s made hints about it but I’ve never confirmed or denied. But here with Abigail I spill everything as I tell her about the moment I realized I didn’t think of Karlie as just a friend. I even share my regret over my treatment of her at the end.

“I messed up, Abigail. I shouldn’t have let her go.”

“No, I think she needed to go. But not in that way.”

My head drops, “I was afraid she would be the one to push me away so I pushed her away first. Now,” my voice breaks as Abigail holds me close.

“Oh, Taylor, I’m so sorry. I hope you get your chance to apologize.”

I do too. But I know it’s unlikely.

“No one has ever given me a second chance after leaving.”

“But Karlie isn’t just anybody,” states Abigail in reminder as she smiles confidently.

I wish I could believe her. But more than that I wish in that moment I had been the way Karlie always sees me: fearless.


	35. Chapter 35

I get a break from touring in the middle of winter break. Since I was gone so long I use the time to catch up on the classes I missed. But my heart isn’t really in it. Most of the time I spend wandering the halls, places I can still imagine her presence beside me. I know it’s not healthy but I want to walk down the halls she walked, sit in the alcoves where she sat and read, hide in the secret places where we’d share things we’d never told anyone before.

But it’s not all a trip down memory lane. Each morning I fret over the paper to the point I forget to eat except for when my friends return and force me to nibble some toast.

I never bothered to read the paper before but now I get one every morning. After all the students have come back from break there’s an article about another New Death Eater bombing. This latest attack took several lives and wounded a few. After that the news goes silent as a few reports come in by word of mouth about some people in the group trying to escape. Some make it back to their families, while others have been caught by the authorities. Still more were caught by their fellow death eaters. I pity the final group as my stomach churns with the wish: don’t be Karlie.

Every time I pick up the paper I worry I will see her name. Just another name listed among the casualties, or worse, in bold type as they declare an especially gruesome method of death for her after she’d been caught spying.

Then the headline comes that sends my head spinning, “New Death Eaters organization leaders captured.” The article goes on to explain how a few brave souls, whose names are being withheld for safety reasons, went undercover to infiltrate the higher ranks of the order. It doesn’t mention her but I just know Karlie had to be among those who helped ferret out the heads of the Death Eaters and bring them to justice. Only a few more articles come out after that as things die down but I don’t hear anything that lets me know she’s okay.

I call her mom but she doesn’t know anything as she still thinks Karlie is safe interning at the Ministry. I don’t have the heart to tell her. And I don’t have the will to say it aloud.

Since the start of the year I’ve left the window in my room open. My roommates complain but I cast a spell to ensure it’s never closed. Even when it’s raining out I leave it open.

I can still remember the steps I’d take to get to her door, but I’ve stop going there.

I still remember her laugh, but I make myself forget it.

But I continue to leave the window open because I’m too tired at night to call her name. If she passes and sees the light I hope she knows that I’m right here hoping she’ll come in with the rain.

Too late I realize she knew me by heart and I didn’t even know where she started. Now I’m left watching life pass me by while inside I’m screaming her name. And there’s nothing else I can say. I could stand up on stage an sing her a song but I don’t want to have to go that far.

What would I even say? Could I manage the truth? Could I tell her that more than anything I want her to come back to me.

“You know, Karlie loved you.”

Todd’s words hit me harder than any defense against the dark arts spell has.

“Why do you say that?” I can hear my voice breaking even as my eyes sting with the hope that he’s right.

“I just thought you should know we all noticed the way she looked at you. The way her eyes always gravitated to you even in a crowd. She knew you better than anybody and that was because she cared. Your love wasn’t one sided. I can’t be sure, but I think she loved you from the first moment your paths crossed.”

I would have thought such words would throw me into despair as I realized I’d messed things up. Instead I find hope coming back to live inside my chest. If I have just one more chance I’ll say everything I should have. If I can have one last chance this time I will be fearless.


	36. Chapter 36

I’m lying in bed thinking about all I would say when I hear a scraping a the window. Birds have been known to fly inside so I ignore it at first, till I hear a distressed voice call out, “Taylor.”

I jump up as I turn to see Karlie clinging to my window sill. I rush over, pausing as I catch sight of her face. My hands go to my mouth as I stare at the large gash across her eye. Her eye which is covered by a big black eyepatch.

“Taylor, could you—.”

I grab her arm as I pull her inside. Once her feet are on the ground I hug her.

“I was starting to think you’d died and they were covering it up.”

Her arms hold me back as we cry for a good long time. When our sobs turn into nothing more than sniffs I pull back to give her a once over. Tears threaten to fall again as I watch her turn away as she self-consciously brushes her hair back.

“That bad, huh? I haven’t been able to look in the mirror for longer than a glance.”

“Can you…How did..?” My throat tightens each time and I can’t bring myself to ask it.

“You heard about the last explosion in the paper?” I nod, “I was there.” Her jaw tightens as she looks away, “I found out too late what they were going to do there. I should have…”

I squeeze her hand as I assure her, “It’s not your fault. If not for you they would have kept going.”

Her head shakes, “It was a group effort.”

“But you still played a big part.”

She smiles at the ground, “Not as big as you,” her smile is soft she lifts her eyes, “I heard about your benefit concerts. The Death Eaters really hated you. They tried to spread a lot of lies about you but I knew you wouldn’t let them stick.”

I remember now all the rumors that had gone around about how I was a snake in the grass, a secret Death Eater sympathizer, and many other crazy things. But I ignored them all and just did my part to help the cause.

I hug her close again as I say, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

She takes a hold of my arms as she pulls them off then turns away as she stares outside. I feel cold and not just because the window is open. Outside I see her broom floating.

She does too as she says, “I thought I could make it but my depth perception is off since,” she motions to her face without finishing. She doesn’t have to say anything more. I can see in in her face that she bears more than just physical scars.

I step closer as she turns back, “How bad is it?”

My eyes are on her patch as she asks, “Do you want to see?”

I clutch my hand to my chest as I consider it. In the end I nod. Slowly she lifts the patch from her eye. The scar runs down her left eye at an angle. It’s incredibly red like a streak of fire. Her hazel eye looks like the ocean when it’s covered by a fog. A fog which keeps her from seeing me. As I take her left hand I notice how much it’s shaking. Even when she grips it to keep it still it continues to quiver.

“They don’t think it will be permanent. They think it’s related to trauma.”

Seeing how tightly she’s holding her hand I lightly touch it as I gently pry the fingers open before interlacing my fingers with hers. Twisting our wrists I bring her hand up to my lips as I kiss the burn scar, letting my lips linger like a promise that I’ll never leave.

“I’m just glad to have you back.”

When I lift my eyes she’s looking at me with that intense gaze I’ve come to recognize as her thinking face.

“The whole time I was away all I could think of was how I wanted to get back to you. How when I did I wanted to tell you everything I couldn’t before. Like how I need you, how you are everything I’ve ever wanted.”

I smile softly as I press her hand to my lips again.

“Or how I love each freckle on your face. I’ve never been so wrapped up in someone. Every time you smile I smile. And every time you shine, I want to shine for you. Being with you drives me crazy, but in a good way. I like how I can’t keep my focus. I watch you talk and you never seem to notice that I hear the words while all I can think about is how we should be together.”

I feel my heart slow as I sit there with her hand hanging in front of my lips, unable to move for fear that this moment will end and I’ll wake up.

“I’m never going to leave you, Taylor. Not ever. Say that you want to be with me too. Cause I’m going to stay through it all. I had time to think it all over and all I can say is come closer,” her hands slips from mine as she curls it around my waist, smiling as I let out a surprised yelp when she pulls me into her, “Take a deep breath,” I would but I can’t remember how, “then jump and fall into me. Even if the bottom drops out from under our feet I’ll catch you.” Her free hand gently strokes my cheek as I feel like I never have before, “When people say things that bring you to your knees I’ll catch you. The time will come when you’re so mad you could cry but I’ll hold you through the night until you smile. Don’t be afraid. You can fall for me.”

As soon as she says the words I take the leap. Standing on my toes I meet her as her head comes down. It’s like actual magic as our lips touch. The kind of spell that anyone can cast. I feel her smile against my lips as we both start to laugh. I’m smiling when the kiss ends and I look into her eyes. Eyes which I’ll be looking into for the rest of my life. Forever and always. And this time I know that it will last.

___


	37. epilogue

Karlie’s holding me in her arms as we just enjoy the feeling of being together, “Taylor.”

“Hmm.”

“You make me fearless.”

I smile as I lean back to look up at her, “Not too fearless I hope.”

My pulse quickens as she bites the side of her mouth then grins a wicked grin. I let out a yelp a she suddenly tosses us to the side as we fall together onto my bed.

“Are you testing my courage, Swift? I will show you just how brave you make me.”

I laugh as she sits on top of me.

“Oh, you are challenging me.”

I can’t stop laughing even as she leans down with a threatening look in her eyes. Then it melts into a smile as she gently rests her lips on mine.

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Her lips jump back from mine as she sits up, “Don’t you Star Wars me. We both know I am the Han Solo in this relationship.”

I don’t sit up as I smile up at her. “And what makes you think that.”

“Because you are the princess and I am the rogue smuggler. Everyone knows that. You make the rules and I break them.”

I grab her shirt collar as I pull her down, “Want to see how many we can break tonight?”

For the first time I see Karlie blush, it’s the cutest thing and makes my pulse quicken as I grip her collar tighter.

“Who are you? You are not the Taylor I know.”

“Who am I? Who are you? Are you nobody, too?” I wrap my arms around her neck as I pull her down so that her lips are on mine as I continue, “Then there’s a pair of us—don’t tell.” I close my eyes as I feel her breath hot on my neck, “They’d banish us, you know.”

“They can try. But nothing else matters as long as I have you.”

I feel Karlie’s hands shaking as she runs them over my skin as gently as a summer breeze. My own hands are shaking as I grip the back of her shirt to keep them still.

That’s when the door to my room opens as Todd pops inside, “You’ll never guess who’s,” his eyes go wide as he finishes, “on her. I mean, who’s back. It’s Karlie. If you hadn’t guessed. Which I’m sure you have. Otherwise you wouldn’t—.”

I sit up, knocking Karlie back as I point to Todd as I tell him, “Get out of here or so help me I will Avada Kedavra you.”

He doesn’t look frightened as he gives Karlie a brief nod before backing out of the room. He lingers as he closes the door slowly, “I should have known this is where she’d come first.”

An unspoken force of wind from me closes the door the rest of the way. Turning back to Karlie she gives me an embarrassed grin, “We should probably go down and say hi to the others.”

“You promised you wouldn’t leave my side ever again and I am not leaving this bed for the next week. You think I actually slept while you were away on a mission?”

Karlie doesn’t hear the worry in my tone as she only focuses on one thing as she leans down, “A week, huh? Sounds perfect. I can make up for missing your birthday.”

And three months after my actual birthday I have my best birthday yet.

“I can’t wait till next year.”

“Why wait?”

“Karlie!”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you like this or one of my other stories and have the ability to, I have my own donation page. Any and all support is much appreciated.
> 
> https://www.buymeacoffee.com/WishaDream


End file.
